A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex has some of my things and owes me some money but I really miss her and I'm not ready to meet up yet. Can I wait a month or so before seeing her or should I just get it over with now so that she no longer has to think about the things she has to get back to me?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (21 March 2014):
 Never allow money to enter a relationship like that again. Leave joint financial decisions for when you're married, or wedding expenses themselves. Oftentimes, it's money that unravels relationships, so loaning, borrowing, joint stuff, best to leave that all out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDone. Now I can't stop thinking about her. That smile... That woman has such a hold on my heart. I sincerely appreciate your advice and your push for me to get it over with. It was a fair sum of money but when you've been dating for so long, and you're making joint financial decisions, and you're planning your future together you don't think twice about one person paying for one thing here and the other paying for something else on another occasion. In the end it so happened that I had recently paid for more things for her. As substantial as the sum of money was it seems so trivial compared to the loss of the relationship. Then again, that's why rational people such as yourselves are in a better position to advise me to get it over with and lick my wounds later. Thank you once again.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 March 2014):
I will spare you the lecture about never loaning money in relationships, and instead tell you very clearly that if there is a debt involved, you do not wait to collect on it, because waiting gives creedence to the argument that you considered it a gift, but changed your mind upon the breakup.
How much money are we talking about? If you're talking anything under $100 and the possessions you have as being inexpensive and easily replaceable, then you may want to consider cutting your losses and just dropping the issue.
If we're talking big money like several hundred dollars or big ticket items (laptop, TV, furniture, jewelry or expensive clothes like a leather jacket), then you need to type up a list of what she needs to give you, and then make ALL of your correspondence in writing. Email at first, then certified mail, then you file in civil court to have the court step in.
Obviously you care about what she has that's yours, so you need to decide whether or not it's worth dealing with the emotions of interracting with her. But if you're thinking you want your stuff back, you need to contact her immediately and set up the time of exchange. Bring a friend along (another guy unless it's your sister or something) to minimize drama, and get it done. Waiting is bad, unless you want to wait indefinitely and lose the stuff. Waiting not only undermines civil action if she holds off on not giving you money or stuff, but you risk her throwing out your stuff and claiming that you're a scorned ex who is trying to take back gifts.
So get a good friend for moral support and get it over with. That is my advice.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 March 2014):
 I would send her a letter with a list of what stuff you have at her house, ask her to box it up and find a day to come pick it up. You can always call or text 5 mins before arriving so she can put it outside OR ask a friend to pick it up. If you wait a month or two, she might have gotten rid of it.
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