A
male
age
36-40,
*pyro1983
writes:So here is my problem some of you will say its not a problem but its ruining my life. So since my ex 4 years ago i have had no sexual contact with anyone i found my ex cheating and now i link sex to her and that i easnt good enough or couldnt please her. I dont even feel like a man anymore or even human i know sex is not the be all and end all but i used to have a high sex drive and now i feel invisible like girls dont even see me.thank you for your time.
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cheated on me, confidence, my ex, sex drive Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (16 December 2007):
 Hi. Four years!!! You have formed an association between her cheating and sex (or the poosibility of sex) and it seems deeply embedded. You probably need Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to 'break' the association in your mind. In view of the affect it's having on your life, you just might be able to get it on NHS. Try your GP first and explain the devastating affect this has had on you. If not, you will probably have to pay.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): Hi Hunny,
When someone you care about cheats your confidence will take a huge nose dive so what you have been experiencing is natural, The fact that it has gone on so long is not good for you as you need to be able to find yourself again and be able to understand that not everyone out there will be the same.
You need to get that confidence back and have faith in yourself as a person what she did had nothing to do with your sexual performance as my last husband cheated very quickly may I add with a friend of my sons after work in a bloody bush!!! Now I no for a fact that the sex ment nothing to him and loosing me ment more as he let temptation take over, with someone texting him exciting him it all got out of hand, But hunny even though I had only been married a yr I did not hesitate to show him the door, as this was not the way I wished for my life to go after my previous marraiges been so bad.
I will never give up hunny I have a wonderfull partner now but ive had to go through alot to get where I am, And I truely believe that having faith in yourself as a good person is so very important.
Dont let her win, Dont let her ruin your life your dreams, She lost someone very special because of her actions.
And the next lady that comes into your life will be lucky to have you as my b/f was cheated on at a young age and he would never do it to anyone and never has even when in a bad relationship he didnt even think of it as he new the pain and hurt it can cause, So there is one of your lessons in life that can and will make you a stronger person. Hunny dont put you life on hold because of someone elses mistakes learn from it and get strong use it to make you strong, Everything that has happenened in my life I try to take it and turn it around so it makes me fight for myself and I get stronger..If this is so bad that you need to talk to someone about you feelings then I suggest you see a counsellor to help you along the way a little, You are not invisible you just feel that way as you dont want to feel hurt again so your guarding yourself. Its hard to let that guard down but not impossible, You can do it hun and I wish you the best of luck and hope this has helped a little take care with love mandy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, No Luck  +, writes (16 December 2007):
 Hello , from what i read ur problem is just moral and is easy too , and its not true that girls dont even see u , not pleasing ur ex is cz she used to have sex all the time , try to find a good lady and to love her really from ur heart be sure she's from a good family and u will see how ur life will change dont ever think ur different from other cz that way u will build a wall for your life and dreams . GO ON think positive and BE SURE you are like all of us if the problem came from ur ex and made u feel like this mean it will not be same with all girls and with every future relation ;) THINK AND GROW UP RICH. GOOD LUCK for ur life bubye
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): To regain your self confidence you have to realise that she is just ONE woman out of millions in the world. And you have to ask yourself why are you giving so much importance to the actions/opinions of ONE woman. Was she god?? I mean what was so special about her that you think that the way she felt about you is the end all be all of who you are as a sexual person?
Did it ever occur to you that she was wrong about you and that she made a mistake?? Or did it ever occur to you that she is not even half as great as you seem to think she is so that you care so much about what her actions imply about you?
Go out and find someone BETTER than her cause I guarantee you she is NOT the greatest thing there is and you are just wasting time. So why are you going to let someone who is not even that great be the judge of how good you are in bed. Don't. Just put that behind you and move on cause you are just wasting your youth for NO good reason.
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