A
female
 ,
*wilightdiamond
writes:I am eighteen years old and I have had a secret crush on my ex boyfriend since we broke up, almost three years ago now. He is my best friend and we spend a lot of time together.. or we used to. He recently joined the army so I haven't seen him for a few months. Before he left he admitted to having feelings for me and he kissed me. We keep in touch and a few months ago I got a text message that said he loved me, he was sorry but it had been on his mind since he left. A few days later we were talking on the phone and he told me loved me (again) and then he said "You dont realise what you have until Its gone". Now people may not see a problem in this but I do... because he has a girlfriend. She lives in the same city as me so he hasn't seen her for a while, and he can't really break up with her over the phone, but its been a months now and he hasn't told me what he plans to do. Does he love his Girlfriend? Or me? Will he break up with her? these questions keep running through me head so what Im wondering is, should I confront him, or wait for him to tell me? I know I love him, but I dont want to have a realtionship with him while he is still attached to his girlfriend. I will see him again at christmas and if we're lucky he'll get posted to my city (his home town).
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female
reader, twilightdiamond +, writes (17 October 2006):
twilightdiamond is verified as being by the original poster of the question I realise that I have to wait for him to break up with his gf before we can have a realtionship but he hasn't even mentioned having a realtionship with me in the first place. I think maybe he is finally maturing (like Irish49 said), and wants to have a 'real' relationship (all his previous relationships have been supaficial and only about sex). I dont know what to think about him saying he 'loved me'. We have always had such a strong relationship as friends that I know he cannot possibly be trying to use me, but what does he think will come of telling me his feelings? I realise no-one can answer my questions but him, but what I want to know is should I ask him? or let him come out with it in his own time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2006): So you have this ex bf who claims to love you, despite the fact he has a gf? I am so glad that you said 'you had a problem with the fact he has a gf'. Good for you..it means you have self-respect and a sense of ideals and high expectations about what you want from this guy. So, let's give him the benefit of the doubt and perhaps through developing himself, maturing and growing he does realize you were and are, the one for him. Don't you think he should prove how genuinely he feels for you, by ending his current relationship before taking this further with you? If I were you, I would be very smart and tell him 'to give you a call' but only when he's unattached himself to her. In the meantime, bide your time and try not at attain value and definition by allowing yourself to get involved with him until he takes action. In this case, actions mean much more than all the "I love you's and I miss you's". I have always believed that decisions about love and quality relationships should be made with one's head..not the heart. Be careful not to get caught up in that trap of over-romanticizing all this..he still has to prove to you his words are sincere, by saying 'goodbye' to his current gf. Stay strong, dear and tell him what you expect of him. Good luck.
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