A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My daughter is 15 and has been in a relationship for 10 weeks. Her boyfriend is 15 also. The problem is this....the boyfriends brother cannot go to prom with his own girlfriend, therefore has asked his brother, the 15 yr old, to take his girlfriend to prom. My daughter is heartbroken and told her bf this...with this he said no. The brother is mad and moreso towards my daughter saying she is the reason for his brother saying no...if she don't trust him going with his gf then their relationship will never last. Its not a trust issue its a respect issue...they have promised each other to not date others and have even shared dreams of going to prom together when they are juniors....what advice can I give my daughter if any so she knows that her feelings are valid, her boyfriend made the right decision and the brother is the one with the problem....I never heard of such a situation like this....maybe this is something teenagers do, if so, i don't agree.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2012): Original poster here....To add to this...my daughter came to me with the situation...asking me what to do, can't ignore her, thankful she talks to me about such things. The brother can't go to prom for more then one reason, he has to work, plus he is an assist wrestling coach at the high school...he feels odd going with a student, even though it is allowed. Our school policy reads that he can go, beings he is only an assistant...and btw, he is only 19 yrs of age. I know all too well about high school drama, my daughter is my third child to go thru HS, the other 2 were boys....over the past 36 hours alot has happened....the bf isn't going to prom with the brothers gf. The gf did text him though and said, last chance otherwise I am finding someone else....he replied and said no and go a head...her reply to him..."gay". She found someone, now the brother is mad...go figure, but my daughter and her boyfriend watched a movie, had some popcorn and all is well. Plus, it has gotten around that this all took place and it seems that the girlfriend and the brother didn't get much support from their friends in all of this. I do believe lessons have been learned.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (11 March 2012):
 We don't have proms here. But it could be that the brother is too old to go to the prom and his girlfriend is younger. He doesn't want his girlfriend to have a awful time without him, because he knows that the memory of a prom lasts forever, so he asks his brother to do him this favour. Your daughter and her boyfriend do not want to help out, they have their own dreams and plans. Of course the brother is angry, for him this doesn't seem much to ask, and he'll have a sad and unhappy girlfriend on his hands. If he can't get into the prom, who better to ask than a brother he trusts. Now he'll have to either send her alone, or he'll have to leave her with some other guy who he doesn't trust at all.
Your daughter and her boyfriend have made their decision, it is up to them to deal with it. It's not really good to get into the drama and headache of teenage business because if things go wrong, they'll all turn around and start blaming you.
This is not your fight, stay out of it. They have made their decision for very good reasons and it doesn't matter who gets angry.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (11 March 2012):
 It was a strange request his brother made. Most guys would never let their brothers near their g/f. Perhaps there is more to this drama than meets the eye. Afterall why was the brother not able to take his own g/f to the prom? Secondly, it sounds like his brother is wanting to cause friction between your daughter and his brother. Maybe he's jealous of their relationship and is trying to create problems between them and then point the finger about trust. It may be a difficult time for your daughter and I can understand why you feel badly for her, but surely you have better things to do with your time than to get sucked into highschool drama. They'll work out their problems. It's part of growing up. You will not be able to protect your daughter from ever getting hurt. It's what makes young women stronger.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 March 2012):
 I would not get too involved in this typical teenage drama. They will figure out a way to deal with it themselves. It's normal that the brother is upset for having been denied his request, and it's also normal that he takes it on your daughter. Also because I suspect that the way your daughter's bf dealt with it was telling " Oh man, don't ask me that, my gf would give me hell " rather than simply saying : " Sorry, find someone else. I WANT to take MY gf to the prom ". Well, a 15 y.o.boy.. he's been good and brave enough to not cave to his brother's pressure.
Probably your daughter could retort to the brother " and if YOU don't trust your gf enough to let her go to the prom alone, or with some friend of hers... YOUR relationship won't last ". But, I really would let this go and not make a mountain out of a molehill.
Your daughter may feel uncomfortable now, but she is also learning an important lesson : Own your actions. You can't always please everybody, everytime that you decide to do, or not do , something , there will be some people who object and protest. But if in your heart you know is the right decision, ... do no evil, fear no evil- and let people flap their tongues.
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