A
male
age
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anonymous
writes:I'm a single Dad with a 17 year old daughter. She has a friend that's 18. She's been coming around for about 5 or 6 yrs. I have a big house. She's had a room here for about 4 yrs and is here more than anywhere else.(No father around and Mom don't care) We have spent a lot of time together. All the girls always give me a hug and kiss on the cheek when they leave, from the boys it's always been a handshake. About a week ago as this girl was leaving, she leaned down, put her hand on my upper thigh and kissed me on the lips. My daughter was standing there watching, she smiled, shrugged her shoulders and they left. The problem is, I enjoyed it. I thought about it all day.Not because of who it was but because I haven't been kissed like that in a long time. I've always had an open and honest relationship with my daughter and when I mentioned it to her she said, your single, she's single, your both over 18. I'm way over 18. My daughter is giving me permission to have sex with her best friend. "It'll be good for both of you" she said. Now,she wants to wash my back in the shower. The head on my shoulders says no, but the other one... What do I do ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009): good man. thanks for not taking advantage of her. she may have wanted to repay you with sex for the kind things you have done for her, but now realises that she is the 2nd daughter to you. there are still good decent men out there and you have proved this.
please also talk to your daughter and tell her about you and this girl - that NOTHING sexual will ever happen and that this girl is like a second daughter to you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009): What a lovely follow up. Definately the best responce, and good that you talked all this through with her. You've been so good to this girl, you really are like a father to her!
You sound like a thoroughly lovely man- I wish you every happiness!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question I did the right thing. We sat down and had a long talk. When she was younger, I found out what kind of things she liked and had someone come over and fix up one of the extra bedrooms for her. She cried when she saw "her room". At her mothers house she sleeps on the sofa, all her stuff piled in the corner and they may have Mac and Cheese for food. I was there when she graduated high school. Mom wasn't. I paid for her senior trip.
Three or four days days before this happened I got her a car, and a two day, high performance,defensive driving class at Sears Point Raceway.
Her explanation was she loves me, I've always been there for her and she just wanted to give me something in return since she has no way to repay me. She understands now that the things I've done for her and will continue to do was because I care about her, not for sex or money and the only repayment I want is for her to succeed in life. She told me with me on her side there's nothing she can't do. That brought tears to my eyes. She also found out that not only am I in her corner but my 36 employees have always looked out for her also. She has 37 Dads.
A Big heartfelt THANK YOU to everyone that responded.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): Do what you think is right.
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female
reader, emilygreeneyes312 +, writes (20 May 2009):
i slept with a much older man at the age of 18. i regret this decision, and i will say it has effected every single relationship i've ever had. DO NOT SLEEP WITH YOUR DAUGHTERS friend. to be perfectly honest... you are capitilizing on her innocence. it's wrong. she's a child. most people, most women, don't mature emotionally unitl they are older than 21. she doesn't need to be sleepin with anyone.
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male
reader, dddddddd  +, writes (20 May 2009):
I have to concur -- it sounds like you are the only stable adult/parent figure in her life. It could be a bit damaging for her if the relationship became sexual.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank all of you very much for your advice. I know its wrong and just wanted, no actually needed others to remind me. She's a great girl and I am her father figure, after all she adopted me. I would betray a trust.THANK YOU ALL.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 May 2009):
 Nothing wrong with the fact that you enjoyed the kiss, but as a father-figure ( and yes you are one to her) you need to be the ADULT here and show her that there are boundaries.
It's flattering for sure, but don't do it.
It SCREAMS drama.
If you want to start dating, I suggest you find a woman a little closer to your own age.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 May 2009):
 A very wise decision. So why not start getting yourself out there and finding a woman just right for you? If I were single I'd date you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): "Now,she wants to wash my back in the shower" - who, your daughter or her friend?
for 4 yrs i think you were the only father this girl knows. wouldn't it be like sleeping with your own of you do.
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female
reader, unhappynewlywed  +, writes (19 May 2009):
it doesnt seem right somehow even though theres nothing really wrong with this! It all just seems too close for comfort!I think its because its your daughters mate. Im sure the attention from an 18 year old is great but i would be worried about ur daughters reaction if it did actually happen for real. i really dont think she would be happy with it. Think American Beauty!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answer. Honestly I think it's the one I'm looking for. I'm truly flattered by her advances but it just don't seem right, I am like her Dad. Since I posted this question I sent a text to my daughter telling her something was wrong with this picture. Her reply..She didn't think I'd pursue it. This girl once told me she was going to "Adopt me" as her dad. I think it's best to keep it this way.. Thank you so much
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female
reader, Olly  +, writes (19 May 2009):
 I think that that's twisted.
This 18 year old seems like almost a daugher to you, and you have a daughter her age. Not cool. Thats like sleeping with your daughter.
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female
reader, bobbles32 +, writes (19 May 2009):
 I think that even though your daughter has told you that she is okay with you sleeping with her best friend she probably isnt. It could become awkward quickly.. and it just has disaster written all over it. It could ruin the friendship your daughter and the girl share, or it could ruin the relationship you have with your daughter and it could be traumatic for your daughter.
I know that you're probably starved for physical interaction with women, but you can certainly gear your attention to other women, who don't have that kind of connection with your daughter.
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female
reader, Lina319 +, writes (19 May 2009):
 I think you pretty much answered your own question, you said that when she kissed you it wasn't really her that made you like it, its the simple fact that you haven't had that sort of intimacy, and her gesture evoked feelings of wanting to have sex. Despite the fact she is legal, In my opinion I would suggest you don't do it. For one, she is close to your daughters age, think about your own child. Would you like it if another man, your age, would just have sex with her because he hasn't been intimate with a woman for years? Despite this girl not having a real home, a real family, there are girls her age who do, and this would be morally wrong. Number two, you are a grown man, she is a young impressionable little kid, what if after this she develops feelings for you? Things may become very weird, and this might cause tension between you and your daughter. Also, don't let this become another American Beauty movie where you find out that the sexual young woman you have been eyeing is an innocent girl who hasn't even had sex or properly been touched/ kissed. If you are a wholesome man with value this would thwart your efforts all together. Think very hard about what you are doing, you are wise enough to play the pros and cons in your head to understand wether this will be a benefit or a huge mistake. In regard to your daughter giving you permission and telling you this will be good, ummm I wouldn't take my daughter too seriously, if I had one, and if I was your age. Also do not do this if you think it will make you feel younger, I personally believe it just might make you feel older. If you have not been intimate in years, find a woman your age, or a tad bit younger in her early to late 40's and engage in REAL affection. We live in a world now where webcams, and social networking sites make this a very practical idea. If you do decide to have sex with her, talk to her about what is to happen afterwards, and really pinpoint the reasoning behind her wanting you. The rest is pretty much history. Good luck.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): Something just seems morally wrong with that scenario.What if your daughter was sleeping with someone your age? You do what you think is right but there's no way in hell that I would do it.
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female
reader, confwom +, writes (19 May 2009):
 Dont do that and tell your daughter that you too have boundaries.
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female
reader, AdviceGiverandReceiver +, writes (19 May 2009):
Well just before you decide anything just think whether you love this girl or love the new affection. It's totally up to you and luckily legal. Your daughter obviously wants you happy. Just sit her down and ask a second time. If you peck her friend on the lips and see how you daughter reacts. If she reacts like she did the first time then I think it'll be ok...
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female
reader, witux  +, writes (19 May 2009):
 u shoulnt sleep with ur daughters friends... u are a dad an she is only a girl over 18... she isnt 20 or so... well whatever u should have ur own opinion... but if i was u i would not do it
good luck xoxoxox
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