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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I've been on a date with a man, he had never been on a date or a relationship before (he's 24), and we brought up a topic about exe's and cheating. I was turned off when he told me that "A man cheats because his girlfriend/wife isn't providing him what other girls do, whether it's emotional needs or sex"Is it a huge red flag since it's just our first date? I thought he might be inexperienced in relationships and that's why he said that, but also I feel weird about it. What do you think? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (17 December 2019):
 For me personally, I'd consider this a red flag. Mainly because cheating, in general, is something that is a dealbreaker (for me) and anyone that can attempt to explain it away, probably isn't for me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2019): Massive red flag. It means that he thinks a girlfriend is responsible for her partner's behaviour. Whatever happened to personal accountability?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (14 December 2019):
 I think WiseOwlE made a really valid point here;
"I think he made a deep observation about something he presumably knows nothing about."
Because that IS a pretty standard answer for someone who hasn't ever been cheated on or someone who IS/HAS cheated on someone and wanted an "excuse" for their behavior.
For me that would be a bit of a red flag, as it indicate that a guy is ENTITLED to getting his "emotional needs" or "sexual needs" fulfilled to HIS liking or he can "just" go cheat.
Instead of a "if a person isn't fulfilled... maybe it's NOT the right partner".
Cheating should NEVER be an "option" and no, there isn't a valid excuse ever to cheat, IDGAF if someone is unhappy in the relationship - cheating foxes nothing. IF the relationship is no longer working, neither partner willing to make changes or work on whatever issue, then BREAK up, don't cheat.
I think his answer was dumb and immature. And yes, inexperienced, but also... to me it's a like a "foreshadowing" of his general attitude towards women. IMHO.
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A
female
reader, .Tzimisce.  +, writes (13 December 2019):
It sounds like he has very unrealistic expectations and poor assumptions of how a relationship functions. It sounds like he believes its a woman's job to keep the man happy and grounded, you know just like they use to back in the 1950s when women were domestic house wives. However we do not live in this time anymore - it's different.
I'd say be cautious because he might of grown up with poor parents who do this too. We learn about how a relationship goes from parents. If you intend on a second date, ask him about his home life, parents and what their like etc. See if you can get to the bottom of it. Other than that, be cautious, sounds like he has poor expectations of relationships
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2019): I can understand why you were uncomfortable with his remark. I would proceed with caution if you decide to see him again. If it were me, I wouldn't go out with him again, but that's because I believe under no circumstance is it okay to cheat. So if a man I was on a date with were to say this to me, I'd say something along the lines of, "You're entitled to your opinion. However, I feel our values are too different to continue seeing each other."
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2019): I think he made a deep observation about something he presumably knows nothing about.
I'd be vigilant, observant, and cautious. You're just dating, you can only assume what he said about never have been on a date or having a relationship is true. He just gave an opinion, and it's evident it's on a topic he knows nothing about. You're in a good position to enlighten him; but don't set your expectations too high.
If it really nags at you, don't waste your time. Better to swipe left, and move on to the next.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (13 December 2019):
 P.S. Just to elaborate on the "Bit rich coming from someone who had to wait until 24 to get a first date" comment: if he couldn't get a date for all those years, what makes him think he will be able to find someone with whom to have an affair?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (13 December 2019):
If he voices that sort of opinion on a regular basis, then it's little surprise he hasn't been on a date or in a relationship at the age of 24. (Not knocking anyone else who hasn't had either at that age, as there can be various reasons but, in this case, the reason seems evident.)
If he made you feel uncomfortable on your first date then I would say yes, it IS a HUGE red flag. Assuming he wasn't joking (some people can have an off-beat sense of humour), he seems to view it as a woman's "responsibility" to keep her man happy and, hence, faithful. Bit rich coming from someone who had to wait until 24 to get a first date but, nevertheless, I personally would walk away from this one. And I would not be backward at telling him exactly why.
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