A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal for me (17) to not have ANY feelings at all about guys who all my friends say are really fit? I really am not attracted to pysical appearence, If I get a crush on sombody it is because of his personality and unless he is dead ugly then his appearence really doesn't matter all that much. And is it wierd not wanting to talk about my crushes with my mates but still be interested in theirs? When people ask me personal questions I really clam up and I think it is affecting my relationship with some of my mates. It's the same when I talk to guys I like I go really cold and I think I scare them away.
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female
reader, tsurugi-ijin +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Yeah a diarys a great idea, i keep one too, really helps when you have too much on your mind.
Glad to hear your ok :)
All the best, Jin
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): hey hun. ok id just like to add something i forgot, it's just i think it's really significant-i once had a crush on a 50 year old guy-because of his personality-oh yeah it's true...hoped this helped :D
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much for your answers, I guess I just needed sombody to tell me I'm fine.. I do tend to keep my thoughts bottled up a bit but I am trying to keep a diary so that should help.
Thanks again
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): That you like guys for their personalities rather than just superficial looks shows that you're not shallow. Congratulations - you are a nice person, and destined to have happy and fulfilling relationships while other girls chase a movie-star-lookalike. Isn't that a bonus?
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (29 April 2008):
 Remarkably mature and sensible of you.
But the "not talking" is something you need to be more careful with. It's quite natural not to want to "bare your soul" to everyone, particularly when you are clearly more emotionally mature than most of those around you. Even so, it's potentially emotionally unhealthy to bottle up all your thoughts and feelings without ever telling any of it to anyone. Is it because some of it isn't quite clear even to you - and you are the sort of person who likes things cut-and-dried and absolutely clear? I find that the best way to clear thoughts, particularly those that I am going to want to try and explain to someone else, is to write them down. No one will ever see the writing except me, but by writing it I can go back through it and tell myself whether it makes any sense. Then, and only then, I can talk about it to someone else. I hope that's not too baffling!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): Attraction is usually what brings us closer in the beginning. Then personality plays a part, but character goes even further to the heart.
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A
female
reader, tsurugi-ijin +, writes (29 April 2008):
This is something to treasure. Not many teenage girls can look below the surface these days and tend to go for the wrong sort of guys because of it.Being able to like someone for being a decent person is how it should happen.The part about not liking to talk about your self, being more private than others is fine.By the talking to guys and claming up bit is that just talking or talking about personal stuff?Keep looking at the inside, it'll serve you well.All the Best, Jin
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): hey!! i'd like to say that you are wayyy more normal than you realise, i have a large group of friends and all my gfs crushes are based on personality, we have endless talks about all the meaningful, specific stuff that we love about our crushes, me included im the same at the moment-i have two friends-both called andrew, one is seriously HOT got a queue of girls, the other isnt a looker but im addicted to his personality, he's so witty and wise and funny-he's a bit like chandler bing in that sense (friends?lol) everytime i look at him i melt, i have a little crush on fit andrew-but that's all , with andrew it's love and lust, ok honestly im attractive and i could ahve either one if i wanted-BUT i would choose amazing andrew over hot andrew-personality is key, how would a long term relationship be based on looks? abnormal is something like weird, overly obsessive OCDs (obsessive compulsive disorder) everyone is different, some people are deeper than others and some people have shallow, fickle personalities-there's nothing abnormal about you whatsoever, and hun youre very lucky to have this good trait cause you'll find a worthwhile, lasting, intense relationship faster than your friends-love you hun GOOD LUCK! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): oh my god girl...good on you ! ive been waiting for someone to come out with this for a long time ! Looks dont matter ! your right in liking someone because of their personality ! because there could be this really fit gut but he could be a woman beater etc! so girl i would totally say that you are sooooo normal ! and sometimes girls want to know they can be trusted by you so they prefer to be told who your crush is ... but its not weird to not tell them and want to know bout theirs xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): It's totally normal and just means you're a bit deeper and more mature than most of the people around you. I've always been the same way - I wasn't attracted to the guys everyone else though were so hot. Personality ruled for me and still does.
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