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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: there is this horrible person at work and she is making my life hell. When i first started to work with this company almost 2yrs ago she clung to me and made out as if she was my best mate, it all started to get a bit scary when she started to copy me...had her hair cut like mine, wore similar clothing etc etc - I treated her like i would any other mate - gave her lifts as she doesnt drive, had nights in and out occassionally with her, then she talked me into lending her money...then all of a sudden, she started being weird, distant and stuff, then she started speading rumors about me and trying to cause problems with...basically anyone she could involve!! She never paid me back any money, spreading so many lies, snarling at me - sending nasty emails about me - she started to make my life at work a living nightmare. Enough was enough so i decided to speak to my manager. I felt silly as its like being at school so petty, but at the same time it began to effect my work so i had to do something. M manager gave the impression he thought it was childish as well and no more was done.It died down for a while, but now she has started again. Its a long story what shes done this time, but its horrible, shes basically caused this big ruckus with all my colleagues involving yet again me! its like she wont stop until i break. i am dreading going in to work. I dont know what to do. A few of my colleagues have also been on the receiving end of her nasty work so some of them know what shes like, but i just cant take anymore. we have this scheme at work where we can put a grivence in against people, but to do this you need solid evidence and its mainly all tittle tattle so im stuck. pls help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2006): For your own good, beging seeing a therapist. Your company's insurance may pay for a part of this cost. And yes. keep records the best that you can. Also, if I were you, I'd do my best to find a position in a different company (as this woman you describe seems to thrive on making trouble for you). Staying in your present position may simply not be worth it.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (12 December 2006):
 She is the office bully and there is one sure thing from what you have already written - she has a very poor view of herself (otherwise why would she want to copy you?). You should realise that in her eyes you are a superior person - this motivates her need to attack you and be nasty. In some ways you have to reason this out (even though I understand you must be under stress now) - if you were not an outstanding person in some way you would not attract her jealousy in the first place. You have an obligation to deal with this girl using office procedures and try to stay calm. You know she is emailing gossip - surely your company would have a dim view of that! Get hold of a copy of whatever she sent - if not from a recipient then your IT department can obtain copies directly from her email account where there are harrassment charges. I know I cannot sent any emails from my work computer than maybe construed as malicious. If your manager is dismissive then go to personnel as they will be able to help you. By tackling her, you are sending a clear message that her behaviour is unacceptable, that you deserve better treatment and she maybe forced to address whatever psychological issues she obviously has.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (12 December 2006):
 Keep a journal and document anything you can. Save the emails. Over time you may accrue enough evidence. Also people like this often screw up so she may be found out before you have to come forward. Good luck!
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