A
female
age
51-59,
*lskitten
writes:HiThis is a question for my mum really.Its about my brother. He is 25. And drinks every night and uses coke or pills, whatever he can afford at the time. The thing is, any money he does get, he spends on partying and once its gone he is straight to my mum for money.She says shes his mum and how can she see him with no electric on his metre. But i just dont get this because if he has his last tenner and spends it on a crate of beer, surely she can see she should be saying tough go without!? How else will someone learn to stand on their own 2 feet? Its not like hes a teen.My mums boyfriend is nearing the end of his tether, they have been living together in a joint owned house for 2 years. Been together 4. Hes already saying they ought to sell it and split the money and then her and my brother can live in a flat together and be happy ever after! You cant really blame him, even though its her money shes giving my brother, hes still frustrated as to why she doesnt just say no to him! It causes her a lot of stress and shes recently bailed him out with a grand of her savings, so he didnt get evicted from his flat hes renting, but she wont listen when we say shes just buying time, he still wont pay the rent and will lose it eventually anyway! But she will be poorer for it!Has anyone else got youngsters that are on drugs, if so what was the best way you dealt with it?Caz xxxxxx
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male
reader, Sandman  +, writes (15 August 2007):
 No prob Hlskitten. Hope everything works out for your and your family. Take care.
Sandman
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (13 August 2007):
hlskitten is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks sandman. It just drives me nuts the whole time he takes advantage of her. Our mum is a bit soft on everyone. Its a nice quality shes got but people can take advantage of it. You dont expect her son to though ey!
She always says, thats it, shes not giving him anymore money. But he knows she doesnt mean it cuz he goes to her again saying hes borrowed money off some low life & will get his legs broken if he doesnt pay it back. I dont personally believe anyone would break his legs.I think its emotional blackmail that he knows will work.
Thanks again anyway.
C xxxx
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (13 August 2007):
I don't have youngsters on drugs (I don't have any youngsters) but I do have an opinion...
Let it go. I know, I know. It's your mom and you don't want to see her stressed and your brother taking advantage of her - but like she said, it's her son and it's HER money - so she's free to do with it what she wants.
However, you can express to your mom how YOU see it affecting her. Sometimes people don't see the stress themselves but others can. She thinks she's doing the right by giving him money - but what she's really doing is enabling him to continue his behaviour. He will continue to NOT pay rent and electric bills because he knows that his mom will pay it. Until she decides to stop and let him become an adult, he will continue to act like a child.
And ask the boyfriend that if he really loves your mom to stick with her. She's going to need additional support from all fronts if she decides to not give him money. There will be many times when she will desperately want to give him money to bail him out or whatever, but she's got be strong - and she needs strong people around her to help her be strong.
But like I said, if she doesn't want to help herself, and him - there's nothing you can do but wait it out.
Hope this helps.
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