A
female
age
30-35,
*at1235
writes:Well, I've got a little problem. I've been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years now and we have a 7 month old son who we just adore. Everything is going fantastic with us, he's my best friend, I know we are going to be together forever. But the one problem we do have is his family.We currently live with his family while our house is getting built, and have been for about 6 months but they are just a little over bearing. Well, his mum is. She constantly watches us and tells us how to raise our son, tells us what to do, and generally just drives us mad. She is interferring, and always wants to know what we've been doing/where we are going. We aren't allowed to spend any unnessacery money according to her. We basically get treated like children! It's driving us both mad, well me more than him.Recently my boyfriend and his mum had a huge fault which resulted in us moving in with my sister for a couple weeks. We would love to stay here but there just isn't enough room! So tomorrow its back to his mothers house. So really what I'm needing (well apart from a rant) is some advice on to how to handle her? Something to stop me going insane.Sorry about the length but I really appreciate your time and answers.
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (23 August 2011):
How much longer is the house going to take? Maybe you, your bf and the baby should move out and get a short-term rental somewhere until it's done if it's really that bad. Then you can enjoy being a new mum and won't need to worry about any interference if it's really getting you down.
A
female
reader, Kat1235 +, writes (23 August 2011):
Kat1235 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand she has welcomed us into her house, something she didn't have to do, and I very much appreciate it. I do what I can to help when I can and we pay our way. We really do appreciate everything. It just feels like we can't be trusted. We are saving so much, we are bugeting each month. Is dad is in finance so has helped with this but his mother feels spending £20 on the cinema once a month is a waste of money. We need one night to blow off steam. I am just about to turn 21, so yeah, I am technically still young but I've had a few things happen to me that have forced me to grow up quickly, so mentally I'm much older than this. I have a hard time convincing people of my ages because how I act. I suppose the worse part is her telling me how to raise my son. "don't do that, do it this way!". I feel I can't enjoy being a new mum, I can't make me mistakes or do things my way. I love that she and my own mother are there is I need them, but I wish she'd wait until I went to her. Its not that we don't get on, I think she is a lovely woman, I just have a mother who trusts me, who knows I'll go to her if I need help. I guess I'm still getting used to having someone around me all the times that is so interfering. I don't mean to come across as ungrateful. I'm certainly not, I appreciate it so much and hope I can pay them back one day.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 Just a further thought, your boyfriends mother has a lot of years experience, why not ask her to help you draw up a budget, which will allow you to pay your way, pay towards the house, put money aside for the future, include a savings plan and yet still allow some money for the fun things in life, a movie, a night at the pub etc. If she can see that you are willing to make an effort she may unbend a little. Who knows, you may even end up on the same side and friends.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (23 August 2011):
She is your boyfriend's mother and you are in her house. You list your age as between 18 and 21.
We don't have his mother's side of the story, and as you are probably aware there are always three sides to a story, her side, your side, and somewhere between them, the truth.
Its hard to stop being a mother, its hard to stop worrying about your children, its hard to get out of the habit of asking where your children are going, and being interested in what they are doing. Consider that for a moment.
As for the spending of money, she may be seeing what you call spending of 'unecessary money' as squandering, she may view the spending of money on unecessary things as squandering rather than building a safe financial future for the two of you and your child.
I assume you are paying rent, and your share of the utilities. I also assume you are offering to help where ever and when ever you can with the extra work load of having three extras in the house. I assume you provide towards the food and clean up after meals.
This woman didnt have to accept the three of you into her house, you need to let her know you appreciate her kindness in doing so.
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