A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. We're both in our early - mid 20's. When we first started dating for about the first 3 months he would ALWAYS give me oral sex(though not very good) and always talked about how much he liked giving it to me. However now at 7 months I NEVER get oral sex. I give him oral sex pretty much every time before we have sex as part of forplay. I spend a lot of time on him. However because he wont go down on me at ALL anymore, and only about 2-3 minutes of his hands down there I decided I wasnt going to give him oral until I started recieving too. Ive only done it a few times but each time i dont do anything for him I dont even get forplay...seriously the cloths come off and he just goes STRAIGHT into sex with NO forplay whatso ever.I can be fresh out of the shower and shaven and still the same results. He used to love it and recently even told me its not a taste of smell he doesn't like? Whats up? how can I get him to go down on me, or at least give me a LITTLE forpaly?
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male
reader, twistedelm +, writes (8 August 2009):
I am a guy but I understand your concerns with sex thats not satisfying you. Ive had partners that were not satisfying me; even know they told me one thing and told her friends something different. At times I thought something was wrong with me but in my case it wasnt me. I feel if a guy doesnt really want to do the foreplay for at least 30-or more minutes / then maybe he needs to have the guts to speak to his partner. Love making is all about satisfying each other not just going thru the motions. Hell / I been with women who didnt know how to do intercource--pretty bad. (I left them too). I will say this also: With some guys / if the female gains a few extra pounds those guys also may be less interested in some kinds of sex. (This happens in reverse too). I feel everyone needs to stop being so fussy (if they are?)-and find someone who needs love (not money) (if they do) and all of us will be happier? (less lonely)?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): I think he has an underlying reason, perhaps it is the taste but he's too shy to say that - ask him. Otherwise he's just a lazy git who doesn't know the meaning of "give and take" =)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): I agree with Uncle Phil. He probably noticed that you didn't think he was very good so he stopped. He might have figured that if he can't satisfy you that way then why put in the effort even if he gets some enjoyment out of it?
As for you not giving him oral sex you should only have been doing it if you enjoyed it as well. Withholding it until he starts performing it on you again is childish. Tell him what you want. If he enjoys giving it to you he will go back to doing it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): I think the clue here is the bit where you say "(though not very good)". It won't have escaped his attention that you don't think he's very good at it, so he's maybe thinking it's a waste of time and effort.
If indeed he's not very good at it, perhaps you could educate him about what feels good and what doesn't. To start off with, you'll have to tell him that you want oral or there's nothing else on the menu. Then when you get it, be enthusiastic when he hits the spot. Maybe all he needs is a little more encouragement about the whole thing.
Phil
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A
female
reader, hello1  +, writes (31 January 2008):
 I agree with DoubleM, we get alot of questions on this. I think it's simply because your b/f just wants to sastify himself and dosen't care about your pleasure anymore which is very sad. Your b/f in a rut at the moment, your going to have to talk to him seriously about it and get him to change, if not then do you really want to spend your life with an selfish lover? it will tear you apart. Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, lil-milly  +, writes (31 January 2008):
Hi i used to have this same problem with my ex, but after a gd tlk between us he is more than willing to give me oral as well. Also a gd way to help him is to show him the way by either telling him what to do without making him feel bad or try watching some porn together. This will also get him more aroused.. hope this helps..Love milly. xxxx
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (31 January 2008):
 Well, I have always (for at least 40 years) believed oral stimulation, one of the most pleasurable aspects of making love for both man and woman, should always be a give and receive situation.
I think your boyfriend may be reverting to a common proclivity men assume when they begin to take sex for granted. In other words, many begin to take their own satisfaction as a goal the woman is willing to provide without expecting reciprocal consideration.
More simply put, it means being self-centered.
It is confusing to me that you say he once said he enjoyed providing. Either he was lying in order to get his enjoyment, or something else is going on.
Suggest he read my instructions for orally pleasing a woman by entering "cunnilingus" in the search field above right. It is currently the first writing in response to the question asking for advice on the topic.
Maybe he does not feel competent with technique. He will be, if he understands the value and follows the advice with mutual enjoyment in mind.
DoubleM
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (31 January 2008):
 Hi,
you've done the right thing by refusing him oral. Now you need to talk to him about it. That is the only way you are going to get any response from him, tell him that you need foreplay - all girls do - and that unless he goes down South he can forget about sex altogether.
Communication is the key, maybe the fact that he isn't very good at oral is the problem. He probably hasn't got a clue what to do and may find it frustrating that it takes you so long to get off. Show him the way!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (31 January 2008):
 Maybe , you both should watch some good porn DVD's together, for him to learn those techniques .
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