A
female
age
,
*ackster
writes:My boyfriend says the reason he won't french kiss me is because it always leads to sex and he has no desire for sex. He has ED. but I think french kissing is not just for sex. We've only been together 2 months and I 'm not ready for sex but I am ready for kissing intimately. Any advice out there what I can do. I really like him, don't want to continue my search.
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female
reader, guillemarie1997  +, writes (23 July 2009):
hey chill out ok i'll give the advice first you show him how much you love him and then you act like your sad then he will ask you why then you say "because you don't french kiss me" and then if he will say that it leads to sex you say idon't want sex i'll only sex if i'm married.............then he will french kiss you
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): Hi.. i have the same problema... and I was searching the interent for any answer... and I should tell that we are 28 year old... This is really frustrating, because I need hem to kiss me, but the explanation that he give me is that "the kiss turns him on" and he doesn't want to have sex every time he kiss me. This is not normal, we don't have breath problems ... but I will talk to him again, and if he can't change that I will end the relationship. I hope you will end finde with this issue becouse a relationship without this details... is just a Friendship !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): Well, passionate kissing does lead to sex if the environment is right. I get incredibly turned on when my wife and I snog. I have with every woman who I dated. When I was much younger, like 18, no sex ever came of it, but when I was dating after my divorce at 30 something, it most always led to sex. Of course, both me and the woman were ready for sex, so it happened.
I would say to do it in a place where sex is not reasonably possible. That will give him time to cool down by the time he gets somewhere where sex is easily possible.
Quote from Emily: "I love kissing my husband, but it doesn't always lead to sex because half the time we are out or cooking dinner when we kiss."
I agree. My wife and I do that also and we don't leave the cooking and jump into bed either. However, like you I imagine, we will have sex 3 hours later when we go to bed. The thing that is defferent here is that this guy isn't going to get any sex to relieve his sexual desire. That makes it tough on him. The best he can do is go home and masturbate. That's a poor substitute for the sex he probably desires. I know it always was for me. My girlfriend (now my wife) would chase me out of her house on a week night after se had been snogging and fondling and it was tough to go home, even though I knew we would be having sex several times on the weekend.
I can see your boyfriend's point and I can also see yours. I don't know the best answer except that you have to talk and come to a compromise. That is how relationships work.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (30 August 2008):
Hmmm, well I think you are going to have to be a bit less subtle and force him to talk about this.
It is not normal to have not snogged your boyfriend. At the moment he is basically treating you as his sister or best friend!
Try to kiss him, some where a bit public, perhaps after a meal... at the time when you would have a long kiss with someone. Then when he pulls away, get upset at him, ask him why he did that. Ask him if he really likes you at all. Make it clear that he HAS to explain himself and start putting some effort in or he risks losing you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, jackster +, writes (30 August 2008):
jackster is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't pressure him. We've only discussed it maybe twice. I feel after 2 months he would want to. I mean isn't it normal when you are dating to kiss more than a peck? All I ever get from him is a peck on the lips or cheek. How much longer does he need?
The period answer won't work, I'm 46 and have had a partial hysterectomy. I have tried lots of time to kiss him just to kiss and nothing else but he always turns away or pulls away.
I wonder if he has a germ phobia.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (30 August 2008):
You could just tell him that you promise it won't lead to sex because you are on your period but just want to be kissed.
I love kissing my husband, but it doesn't always lead to sex because half the time we are out or cooking dinner when we kiss.
Kiss him when you are alone but unable to have sex. That way he won't feel pressure. But as the above person says, if he is not ready for it then you can't push him.
Good Luck!!
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A
female
reader, ItsEmma +, writes (30 August 2008):
 I think you should respect his opinions and decisions. If he dosen't want to french kiss, then don't make him. If you didn't want to have sex with a guy, would you want them to keep pressuring you to? Just wait until he's ready.
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