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female
,
anonymous
writes: The man I love doesn't want to be with me unless he can be with me literally for 24 hrs a day. Wwhat is your advice? Reply to this Question
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reader, kris +, writes (19 July 2005):
I just walked from my relationship because that was the situation I was in. He eventually got controlling and verbally abusive, and whenever I mentioned giving me some space, he immediatly got defensive and thought I just wanted time to myself so I could go cheat on him. If it hasn't gotten out of hand yet, stop it now!!!!!!! It will only get worse if you don't speak up now.
A
reader, becky05 +, writes (18 July 2005):
Tell him he cant be with you 24 hours a day. If he gets cross I would be wary as he may become a controlling partner later on.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (18 July 2005):
 I think you should re-examine your relationship with this guy.
The phrase that bothers me in your letter is that he "doesn't want to be with" you unless it's 24 hours a day.
*Warning! Control issues ahead!*
He sounds manipulating and controlling and this could be the first stage towards isolating you from other friends and family. Be very, very careful about hooking up with someone like this. He may not necessarily be a potential abuser, but this is one of the things that abusers do, so keep that in mind.
You obviously have some concern, or you wouldn't have written. Keep listening to your instincts and if something doesn't feel quite right, give yourself some space.
NO ONE is together 24 hours a day. It's unhealthy to live in each other's pockets, and you'll soon get sick of it.
Tread C-A-R-E-F-U-L-L-Y!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2005): Tell him everyone needs his/her own space. Even married people need their own space.
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A
female
reader, Janecra +, writes (17 July 2005):
Well!! This is a difficult question and I suppose the answer depends on how long this is going on for? Is it a new thing? In which case, I'm wondering what brought it on. You say you love him so I'm wondering how long you are with him and if he has always been like this are you just tired of it now? Either way, it is a bit much not to have any space for yourself or to see friends etc and will eventuallyd drive you away. Perhaps he is feeling insecure in the relationship in which case I would have a talk to him in a very positive way assuring your love for him but also your need for space. I know I would feel irritated and snappy if I felt someone was clinging on to me all the time, this in turn would make me snap and angry towardst the person. If this were to happen or has been happening it may make him want to be with even more!! so a gently talk I feel is necessary.
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