A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i need a bit of advice.i'm not sure whether the word 'defensive' describes my boyfriend, but it's the only word i can use. he always plays the blame game with me and i'm just finding it really hard to communicate with him.whenever me and my boyfriend argue (which isn't a lot) but when we do, it's horrible. if it's him who's done wrong to upset me, i will tell him, because it's not fair. yet he will always turn around and say 'everything i do for you and you just pick up on the tiny little bad things!' and something along the lines of.. 'i've done nothing wrong, i do my best and all you do is pick me apart'..it's starting to get really old and tiring. i never want to tell him if he's upset me anymore because nothing gets resolved, infact it makes me feel worse.he'll quickly shift the blame from the actions he's done to upset me, to something completely different. saying i don't appreciate him.he also says that 'i do my best for everyone around me and i always put people before myself' .. the truth is, he does. but he never gets appreciated for it. that's not my fault and i've told him time and time again, if noone appreciates it, then don't do it for them!but back to the arguments.. i'm not 'everyone' in the conversation.my boyfriend lost his mum 2 years ago, he's not got a father and his friends and sister walk all over him. i try to support him and be there for him but at times it prooves difficult when the only person trying to help (me) is pushed away.i want him to have counciling, because he never did after his mum died (she died because she was an alcholic)i just don't know what i can do. please help me!x Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 June 2010):
Stop being his mother, and start being his girlfriend. You've become a mother to him. You want ho help him, you're accepting unconditional blame, and he then goes on at you about 'all those things he's done'. He sounds like a spoilt toddler throwing how toys out the pram. It must have been very hard on him losing his mother, but that is no excuse to behave this way. Stop helping him, and tell him you are no longer prepared to accept being treated like dirt. If he doesn't get it, then dump him. You must not become his mother and carer. That's not your job. Yes, it's been hard on him. But that's no excuse to treat you like dirt.
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