A
female
age
41-50,
*onfusedandsad123
writes:I have been having alot of issues with him lying. He has finally come clean about alot of things.I already knew most of them so I was not surprised.We have been together for 6 years,so we decided starting over would be a good thing. I thought things were going okay and I caught him in a lie again. When I caught him,he said I dont want you to be mad if I tell the truth,I said okay so what is it? He told me he that there are 3 or 4 women at his job that he flirts with,and thinks are very attractive.He even admited to THINKING about trying to have sex with them. He says "He loves me,and that I should know he would never do it". I dont know what to do. I mean on one hand he was honest but on the other I feel like I have to watch out for him actually sleeping with these women.Another thing,,I have always been just a little curvy,but now I realize I have put on 20lbs. When I eat or try to eat,he squeezes my love handles,or chooses that moment to talk about my big ole' butt. And when I say it hurts my feelings he says oh babe you know I like it.(Let me mention all the women at his work are the same size or definately smaller than I was when we first met.)(I am 5'11 and was 150lbs when we met,I have had 2 kids and a hysterectomy since then and now I weigh 170)I dont know what to do,,I dont trust him anymore,he hurts my feelings,I eat more when I am alone because I am sad.He has even started saying my outfits dont look the same,"maybe I need to buy new ones" and in the same breath he says but no matter what you wear your beautiful.I feel like he criticizes me one second and immediately follows it with "I love you" and "hey I didnt mean it like that" He even makes me feel like the rude things he says and does,is my fault or that I made it up or made his comment more than what it was. I just know they make me feel bad inside. I want my old life back,when I felt totally loved.What can I do about this if anything? Do you think he can change? He did say once that he would be willing to go to counseling(but never actually went)
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male
reader, lazybone  +, writes (23 June 2010):
Few tips
1. Control your emotions
2. Do good things like remember your all good memories
Or read book, keep yourself busy trust me its a waste of Energy and time
He's not going to change until unless let him Realize .
Either you or me or any third person can't do anything until unless he himself don't want a change his bad habits
Its not your job to struggle and get worried your job is to keep yourself up to date
A
female
reader, Confusedandsad123 +, writes (22 June 2010):
Confusedandsad123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to those who replied. I have thought of leaving him several times,and building a life without him. The problem I keep facing is our two children. He may be lacking in respect to me,but is a wonderful father to these kids. He came to me last night and said that he knows he has lied and treated me terribly. He said he was sorry and realized that he did not want to lose me over his stupid behaviors. He swore to stop taking me for granted and promised no more lies. I just dont think I can ever really believe anything he says,,and actually I cannot get the thought out of my mind that He wants to sleep with 2 of his co-workers. I will always wonder especially when he sees them everyday and one of them he says he is "friends" with.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (21 June 2010):
 Big Ron's advice is spot on. Tell everyone what is going on and make people around you aware because manipulators hate not having control or being viewed in a bad light. They will always turn the situation to make themselves look good or try to manipulate someone elses view point but if that is taken away from them they are lost.
I wouldn't like being spoken to like this or to be told that he was even thinking about having sex with his work pals but more than anything I hate liars. Once a liar always a liar. Liars are actually worse than cheaters - at least you know where you stand with those. i don't think these types can change because fundamentally they don't want to. I think if I was you I would start constructing my own life without him in the equation.
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A
male
reader, lazybone +, writes (21 June 2010):
We can't change another person. We can only decide to do what we want to do. We can't change how they think or behave. We can only do our best and accept what is. We do our best to solve problems and then we have to let it go.
There are no guarantees. Even after we make the best decisions we do not know how things will turn out. Therefore we need to be strong and confident as we can be to handle whatever comes along.
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