A
female
age
36-40,
*opazapella
writes:My boyfriend of four years is becoming more racist by the day and its driving me mental. When I first met him he had virtually no interest in religion and if I had known then how much he would change I would never have gone out with him. Now we have a three year old daughter and I'm expecting a second baby. Most the time everything is ok but then he'll read something about muslims in the news and go beserk. I hate him when he is like this and resent that he may pass on his horrible prejudices to our children. I'm very open minded but he is unwilling to see anything outside his own opinion, namely tarring all muslims with the same radical brush. I've tried reasoning with him that there are some amazing people out there who count themselves as muslims and that christians hardly have a flawless history when it comes to radicalism but he just looks at me in disgust. He has no idea how deluded he sounds when he talks about the ordinary muslim plotting to destroy the world 'behind closed doors' is his favourite expression. He is convinced that all muslims hate non-muslims and I don't know how to get him to open his mind. I don't want to give up on him but I can't raise my children to think like he does! Please help, jem xxx
View related questions:
christian, muslim Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (6 October 2012):
 Do you agree with every opinion your parents ever expressed while you were growing up? Of course not. You weren't a mindless sponge. Neither are you kids. And opinions change with age and maturity. Your job, as their mother, is not to shield them from those you dislike, but to encourage them to form their own. You do this by letting them see the world as it is, engaging them in conversation, asking questions and getting them to think. When you live your life a certain way and they see how happy and successful you are, they are more likely to want to copy it themselves.The more you debate and try to reason with your boyfriend the more he will dig in his heels. You'd do the same were someone working on you this way. Either you can use the above approach with him yourself or ignore him and walk away. I do think leaving him and taking your children's father away from them is radical.And you're right that Christianity doesn't have a flawless history. But we do not have a history of storming embassies, issuing fatwas, kidnapping and decapitating foreigners, and burning effigies every time someone says something we don't like. Many times over the years I have heard people launch into vitriolic anti Christian rants, yet no one felt compelled to try to debate or 'reason' with them, nor 'protect' their children from them. Those people were given the freedom to voice their opinions regardless of how hostile those opinions were to a very specific group of people. Please consider that before you paint Christians with the same brush as radical Islam.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2012): I really feel for you. My ex was a bit like that. He would rant about 'stupid Christians' though as well as Muslims. Also he said all the Chinese should be blown up (then go send order a Chinese takeaway)I tried to debate with him but it got really tiresome. One time he asked for directions and the guy didn't understand him - wasn't English. He muttered, loudly in the direction of a group of girls, 'funny, I thought for a moment we were in England then'.I said, it's comments like that which make me really sad.Later on he apologized and said he would try and be more tolerant. But these comments are habitual for him.I think it's very hard for people to move out of a self righteous position. It really is. We all think we know best.Is he willing to debate it? If he is, that's a good sign. In the end my boyfriend was too keen on being the authority on everything, I couldn't handle it. I hope you sort it out with your guy. X
...............................
A
female
reader, Just Gill +, writes (28 September 2012):
 I understand your frustration as i know myself speaking to people regarding religion. Its a difficult position your in however by what you are saying, your partner sounds closed minded. The best way i can think of to help you out is provide information on this subject to your partner. The problem with people is that we are all different and we all think differently. Some people have similar views and opinions but non the less think and process information differently. Give your partner true information on the subject, remind him about ignornace of people (which he is being) and because of that it makes people do things that if giventhe correct information they wouldnt do. What i mean by that is that for example a muslim carrying out a suicide bomb, this person has been told by his family that this is the RIGHT course of action. This is their believe and faith that has been consistant throughout their life. Also explain to your partner that every single person on this planet is moulded by their experience and knowledge gained throughout their life which creates the person they are today. Your partner clearly doesnt understand where these people are going through and what life is like from them or what has been told to them! You must understand that your partner has been reading things and not fully undetstanding why people do bad things. If speaking to your partner doesnt work perhaps you should think about what you want your children to think about the world and how they should see people. Racisim is a crime its unacceptable but understand its a lack of knowledge on your partners behalf. Explain to him why you dont like him speaking that way, if you cant teach him then dont discuss it with him.
...............................
|
