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My boyfriend is trying to make me jealous but why!?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 November 2006) 1 Answers - (Newest, 8 November 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

Can men and women be purely platonic friends? See there are two sides to this problem relating to me and male friends and my boyfriend and his female friends.

I would really like to make some really good male friends but in my experience they have all eventually wanted to progress the friendships to a relationship and when I have said no they haven’t wanted anything to do with me. So now I have no male friends and feel really let down by them that they weren’t really my friends. So, any suggestions as to how I can make some good male friends who just want to hang out and have a good laugh? Because of my experiences, I am now beginning to think that the only reason a guy will be friends with a girl is that he wants to have sex with her ultimately so now this is beginning to also affect how I am seeing my boyfriend’s friendship with a girl he works with.

Further to my experience with men, does this mean that my boyfriends’ close relationship with a girl that he works with means that he wants more with her? I have abit of a problem with my boyfriend in that he seems to be constantly trying to make me jealous by mentioning this other girl who he says is an absolute sweetheart and they are going to meet up at the weekend. He says they have such a laugh together and had a hug at work today. He was also going to help her with finding a car. I don’t think he would be that stupid to have an affair, least of all the fact that she is married and pregnant. I am beginning to feel a bit jealous (and I have never been a jealous person) because I would like some friendships with guys like theirs (if it is innocent of course) but also I feel my bf should be saying these things about me!!! To make it even weirder, my bf came over to my house after work saying what a great day he had mainly because of this girl and yet when he had phoned me up from work 3 hours previously he sounded so miserable and low and I was reassuring him that he only had a few hours to go.

His ex fiancee cheated on him which he was devastated about. He was, until I came on the scene, very shy around girls and he has thanked me that he now feels so comfortable around them which on the one hand I am so pleased about but on the other hand his behaviour is pushing me away. So, what’s with the trying to make me jealous? I think he may do it because of what happened with his ex-fiancee and he is feeling insecure maybe about losing me so he tries to make out what a catch he is and how all these girls desire him. I also wonder if he is doing it to get more attention from me (he did say his ex used to be all over him but I am not like that) but the reason he has been getting less attention from me is because of the way he has been acting. You see, I had a work colleague a few years ago who I think fancied me and tried to make me jealous by mentioning other girls and I actually grew to really dislike him because of the way he was making me feel.

My bf has told me that because of the way his ex treated him he would never be unfaithful to me which I have every reason to believe so why is he trying to suggest the opposite could be happening? All it is achieving is putting doubts in mind that I should be with him, even though he is the one who has been suggesting long term plans. I don’t want to dump him. I want to try and work this out but how?

View related questions: affair, at work, fiance, his ex, insecure, jealous, my ex, shy

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006):

It's possible that he's being truthful to you, to show him his sincerity, but telling you what he thinks you should know.

Also, it IS possible to have platonic female/male friends. In fact, I have this one super disgusting (she tells me some of the grossest things possibly not even known to most men and women) female friend who is also friendly, cute, funny, and unfortunately, also religious, but other than her religion, she makes a great friend.

Working it out with your bf is mainly about open-communication. You have to keep the lines open between the two of you, and just talk coupled with actions and reactions. Don't be afraid of embarrassment and ego - those are the two biggest obstacles in any relationship - personally/intimately, business, and in politics.

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