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My boyfriend is pulling away... please help!

Tagged as: Dating, Long distance, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 March 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 21 November 2013)
A female United States age 26-29, *drianna11 writes:

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months now, we are going on a long distance relationship, but we constantly see each other one every two months (he is in the military and got deployed overseas). In the beginning of our relationship everything was amazing, he’s trying to be a perfect guy to me n he treated me very nice. Because most of the time we spent together in this relationship is when we are apart, so we both made an extra effort to make this work. Staying up till late to talk to each other, we talk everyday, on the weekend he’s stayed home to talk to me all day instead of hangin out with his buddy, he sacrifices his time to be with me, n so am i.

On my last visit to see him, I start to feel like he’s change. I fly thousand miles in order to be with him and stay with him for 2 weeks, but most of the time he spend it by playing his gameboy or sleeping, he wasn’t like that before. Im kinda disappointed because i was hoping to have a quality time with him, n its like u know we rarely have a chance to be together ‘together’..n now when we r together.. its just seems like he want a spend time by himself. I feel rejected. I communicate it with him, he said sometimes he just need his own time to recharge his ‘batteries’..n after tht he’ll come back to me as new, dedicated n loyal boyfriend.

When I come back home from that trip, everything seems to be worst. He’s having a problem in his work and also his family. Now he rarely talk to me, he still try to talk to me everyday (whether its facebook message, or a buzz in a msg) but I appreciate tht he still makes an effort. When he said tht now he doesn’t have any other problem w his work n his family, things doesn’t even change, it even gets worst. I know its not that he don’t have time, its just feels like he don't wanna make time for me. He always have excuses like sleeping, hangin out with his friends on the weekend, he didn’t even wanna call me eventho I beg for him too..he always have reasons.. I feel like his just he don’t wanna make sacrifice to make this works again.

So I talk to him about my feeling.. tht im very sad and I feel rejected by his actions.. I feel like we’re drifting apart. At first he listen to me, but when I go further, and explain him more about what I want in this relationship (I just want us to be like before), he got pissed and yell at me.. he said tht I asked too much, tht im not understanding n tht he thinks tht everything he do it will be never enough for me… it really hurts me.

We didn’t talk for 2 days, and then he’s the one who try to contact me first the other day. He didn’t say sorry or anything (I wrote him a ‘im sorry’ message after tht incident) I think he just pretend tht nothing happen. He go out with his friends that weekend, without even asking me how I feel.. I try to be cool eventho im bleed insidei gave him his own time and his space n I tried not to be clingy n obsessive again but But still doesn’t feel the same way.. I start to feel like he’s change now.. from his facebook page I know tht he did talked to other ppl, but he never have time to talk to me.

What am I supposed to do? I'm lost. Please help me!!


View related questions: facebook, long distance, military

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A female reader, dating guru United States +, writes (21 November 2013):

This is such a difficult situation as you really dont know whats going on in his "work" life and perhaps he just cannot say. The real thing is how much do you want to be with him and can you be supportive in these difficult times, or he may just be a total washout, you got to decide and see if you can be there until he comes back.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010):

Oh I know the pain and anxiety you're feeling. Do you think he's just more comfortable with you now and doesn't feel like he needs to "entertain" you as much when you visit? Don't let this issue go unresolved for too long because it will just become the norm and he'll say he always does this and you're still hanging on to him.. If you don't like something, state your feelings and if nothing changes, start pulling away from him and see if he cares. It's better you find this out sooner than later so you can move on. Good luck!

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