A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i were dating for a little over a year when he broke up with me saying he didnt want to be in a relationship anymore and that he was unhappy. i was so confused and hurt we never had any major issues between us. i was devastated. over the 6 months we were "broken up" we would occasionally meet up here and there sometimes hook up. we were in an on/off unhealthy situation. we finally stopped all contact for 2 months when we came together again saying we loved/missed eachother and decided to try us again. things were wonderful we talked about marriage and our future plans together things seemed better than ever. 2 months into the "new us" he said our relationship hasnt changed and hes bored with us again. i make suggestions for things for us to do but he doesnt make any effort to make it better he just shuts down and withdraws. the past week hes been distant saying he just wants to hang out alone at home. im worried i dont want the same thing happening i want to make things work with him. hes a bit hot and cold. how can a man go from being lovey dovey marriage talk to unsure about us in 2 weeks? i never bring up any kind of talk about the furture he always does. im done playing games we are both 30 yrs old. i dont know what to do i love him and i was miserable without him when we were apart and i am panicking. i want to give him his space but i dont want him to drift away but i also dont want to smother him.. ahhh! help what should i do??
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female
reader, tibob  +, writes (28 January 2013):
 Your Bf is only thinking of himself in this relationship. He behaves as he wants. He said that your relationship has not changed but did he tell you what are the problems with your relationship which makes him unhappy. Or he does not even know what is wrong. I think you must talk to him and try to know what issues he is having. No relationship is perfect and he must be willing to discuss and work things out for your relationship to work. He seems a very undecided person for me. He says many things but he does not really mean it.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 January 2013):
 He sounds like a confused person. He was talking about marriage because he wants to convince himself that this is what he wants. He feels bad that deep down inside he does not believe in marriage but at the same time marriage is the right thing to do. His head and heart are in conflict.
Do you really want to marry a man who needs more than a weeks' break for space? How can he handle marriage and kids if he needs to be alone so much? He has more issues than just a typical guy needing space. Even if you get married to him you won't feel very secure. You are just feeling the withdrawal of not being with him. He can't bring you true happiness if he's been flaky all the time.
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