A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for four months. One of my best friends was getting married this weekend and her wedding has being planned for over two years. My boyfriend wasn’t invited to the wedding but to the night event. On the morning before her wedding she invited me to the pre wedding day/night with her and her bridesmaids. (I wasn’t a bridesmaid as she has four sisters). As a lovely gesture, she booked and paid for me stay with them. My boyfriend and I were staying at my parents as we don’t live near the venue. I told my friend that my boyfriend was going to be stuck for a night on his own with my parents. I then explained to my boyfriend and he said he wasn’t happy but said I should go. After I got there, he sent me nasty message after nasty message saying you’ve ditched me and put your friend before me and has made the night and the wedding totally a miserable affair. He’s made me cry and upset saying why didn’t I put him first and say I’m not going. He now says there’s no going back from this and wants to break up. He said he would come to the wedding night but wasn’t going to argue but things weren’t right between us and he wasn’t going to have a good night. I then left the wedding early and came home to sort things out but he’s saying there’s no way forward. I’ve apologised to him profusely but he doesn’t want to know. Am I in the wrong with this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2022): He is a controlling man baby, but you are a baby to for caring so much about someone after only four months and allowing him to get to you like this. Worrying so much about his wants and feelings is childish when you hardly know him and you know he is being demanding, selfish, greedy and manipulative. And using it as an excuse to find fault with you. Guys who want you to put them first all of the time are horrible and not worth being with, but when it's only been four months it is laughable.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2022): Echoing what the others have said but more importantly, how did your friend feel about you leaving early go to grovel at the feet of your 4 month boyfriend?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (18 August 2022):
 Dude, my dude
BREAK up with that little MAN-child! Why are you apologizing?!!
OF course, your long time friend's wedding is MORE important than he is! And then he went a RUINED a wedding party because he is an immature idiot!
DUMP HIM dump him dump him.
Don't waste ANY more of your precious time with this one! this is only the beginning of his ridiculous demands!
What a whiny little baby.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2022): What a man-baby! How petty and selfish. He doesn't know your friends that well, and he barely knows you. It has only been four months; which is probably why it's so easy to just breakup over something so petty. Maybe he has been looking for any excuse to do so.
If he wants to breakup over this, you have no choice but to let him go. You didn't do anything wrong. He set you up by saying you could go; then he switched on you. He is laying a guilt-trip on you; and none of this makes any sense. To tell you the truth, it's pretty unmanly of him. Sending me nasty messages would have ended it for me; if I were in your shoes.
If he wants out over this, best to let him go. You haven't been together long enough to make him the number-one priority in your life. He has to earn your trust, prove himself worthy of it; and he has to be the real-man in the relationship. He's setting the stage to be in control of all you do. You're supposed to be "so in-love" you'll do anything to appease him. It's too early in the relationship to know exactly how you feel about each-other. The relationship is still in its infancy.
Nothing you can do if he has fallen out of love; because you went to a bridal-event with your friend. It was an honor extended by the bride; and it was a courtesy to accept her invitation and be present. If he was acting more like a man than a brat; you wouldn't even be here on DC. He has overreacted, and you just got a taste of things to come in the future. It would be much worse, once you've invested your deepest feelings; and later down the road, he shows his true-colors. Don't feel you've betrayed him. You haven't. I smell a control-freak.
He's still working on becoming a priority; but that all depends on the situation. He doesn't trump every event and everybody in your life; being in your life for only four months. Who does he think he is?!! This isn't about an ex, or running off with your friends too frequently. This is all leading up to a wedding. It's what's expected of you as a good-friend. What's expected of him, is to be an adult and understanding. It doesn't rise to a test of loyalties. Not so early in the relationship. I think this is a red-flag, my dear!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2022): He is in the wrong for telling you to go without him etc and then moaning and saying it is finished. He had no right to be considered so seriously when you have only been dating for four months and he is not a friend of hers. She does not have to consider him when he is new in your life and nothing to do with her. Either he is a baby making a huge issue out of this and very jealous - in which case dump him - nobody wants to date a baby - or he is using it as an excuse to end it. Either way it is ended. You cannot stop it. And you did nothing wrong anyway. You cannot keep pleasing him all of the time in case he gets annoyed. To be honest dating four months is nothing, it does not mean you are a serious item, and your friend realises that even if you do not.
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