A
female
age
41-50,
*antedserial
writes:My boyfriend of 5 years insists I'm always picking on his 13 year old daughter. Am I crazy? I have three kids of my own ages 10, 9, and 5. My girls adore him ages 9 and 5. My 10 year old son is neutral my boyfriend does nothing with him.On the other hand, I take his daughter and we go out and we go shopping with my kids and without.Lately 2 years now, his daughter has been very rude and disrespectful of me. She'll mouth off and I'll tell her to stop and she'll ignore me and then my boyfriend will solve it by telling us that we just shouldn't talk instead of repremanding her. It really pisses me off. Because when any of my kids do it they get in trouble for it. What should I do.... We've discussed this before and he thinks I'm picking on her...WTF!!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): As someone who has had to deal with a "wicked stepmother" growing up, I have sympathies for both of you. The thing is, she is a teen and probably going through a whole lot of challenges right now. Even though she may be an absolute brat at times, you have to remember that you are the adult in the situation, and it's up to you to take the high ground. Don't let her walk all over you, but don't turn this into a big deal - you'll only put more strain on the relationship with your bf. It's great that you still do things with her, keep that up. Don't be tempted to "tattle" on the things she does to your bf. Don't try to win battles by putting him in the centre, because she is his daughter and he loves you both. And after everything, you don't need to be best friends. Biological mums and daughters don't always get on, stepmom figures don't always get along either. Try your best, make sure your bf and you are on the same page and act as a unified team when it comes to discipline, and remember that you're not her mom, she's not your daughter, but you can still have a good, decent relationship.
A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (24 February 2009):
 I think as much as we hate to admit it, other people's kids are just not like our kids. You know when you baby sit, or have sleep overs, and you just can't wait for their parents to pick them up because you're just not used to a kid like that? It's kind of the same thing. And you feel obligated to be be kind, and give them special treatment because they are not your kids. You and your boyfriend need to come to an understanding on balanced disapline within the home. Create an equality among all the kids. It is your boyfriends job to have the talk with his daughter about making the equality happen. A 13 year old girl will tend to be rebelious toward her step mother because she wants more of a closeness with her father. So, to tame this behavior, your boyfriend needs to bond with her more, and talk to her about what is fair and unfair when it comes to you and your girls. Good luck. I've been told this can be a hard thingto deal with. I have to defend my husband when he punishes me 6 year old son, but if I don't agree with the way he does it, I will wait until my son is not around to talk to my husband about it. This way, my son dosnt get the idea that he can work my husband and I against eachother.
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