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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I'm dating a guy for a while who has admitted that he suffers from genital herpes. We haven't had sex yet. He claims that he has been cured but I was reading somewhere that herpes is incurable. Now I happen to be in love with him and I would like to know the implications of being in a sexual relationship with someone who has herpes.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 January 2012):
 Dear OP, I would for sure go very very slow on the physical contact. Also you do need to determine if he truly believes he’s cured or if he just said that… the way he approaches his illness is important. If he truly believes he is cured you need to gently educate him. IF he LIED to you that he’s cured… I’d rethink this. IF he lies to you about something so critical to your health what else is he capable of lying to you about?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2012): Most of our society basically treats Herpes with a "don't ask, don't tell" policy.
These days there are blood tests that can pick up Herpes infection and pick out whether it's type 1 or type 2. But these tests are not even part of a routine STI screening. It's ridiculous. The willful denial of the truth is THAT HUGE even among the medical community. They can test for it, the tests are accurate . . . but people just don't really want to know their status because there is no cure once you have it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2012): I'm the OP. Thank you for all your well-researched advice. I read up a lot about it too and it seems that there is hardly any way to remain uninfected if one is in a relationship with someone with herpes. It's like the sword of Damocles hanging over my head. How could I ever relax in his proximity if I'm always paranoid about getting infected? I have enough medical problems of my own (like depression) without acquiring another one. But I'm in such an emotional dilemma. What if it were the other way round? What if I had herpes? Would he still want me? I would feel terrible if my partner left me because I contracted the disease. On the other hand, I feel a need to protect myself. But I love him and want to be in a long-term relationship with him. Should I enter the relationship knowing fully that I am sure to have herpes transmitted to me? I can't bear this emotional pain. What would you have done had you been in my position?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2012): One in Four Adults have Genital Herpes (HSV-2). Yes genital can spread to oral herpes (HSV-1).
Of this infected populace, 80-90% of adults are unaware they have them as they are asymptomatic (show no symptoms).
Before a noticeable outbreak occurs it is deemed 'shedding' or viral shedding and can be contracted, even by sleeping in the same bed as the cells of skin flake off and the virus is active. So even if sex is not occuring but snuggling/cuddling is present, you can get infected. There is a blister stage as well that forms over to a crusty scab, before flaking off. All infectious.
BF claims of being 'cured' is that he is currently experieincing a dormancy period. He is still infectious, still has HSV-2 or genital herpes.
The best way to avoid transmitting is to daily take oral medication via a pill that reduces an outbreak, duration, and how many outbreaks occur. AS well as use latex condoms and dental dams.
Visit your local STI clinic to get the FAQS and if you want, ask for a blood test to see if any HSV1 or HSV2 antibodies are present yourself.
Hope this was informative.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 January 2012):
 It's incurable. It's possible to not get it, but in order for that to happen he needs to be extremely aware of when he feels an outbreak beginning and refrain from sex. I'd be hesitant to trust someone who believes herpes can be cured to do that.
Herpes is spread through skin on skin contact, so condoms may not fully protect you. There are medications he can take to limit outbreaks and help prevent spreading the disease. He should also be taking Lysine, an amino acid you can buy OTC just about everywhere.
There are numerous things he can do to prevent outbreaks. Common triggers include stress, illness, and many foods contain arginine another known trigger. He should limit his intake of those foods, as well as take a prescription anti-viral medication. Lysine prevents the virus from multiplying and when taken in a VERY large dose (check with your pharmacy or doctor for what this dose would be) at the onset of an outbreak, can prevent it from "erupting."
You can catch it when he does not have an outbreak, but it is a lot less likely. It's INCREDIBLY important he pay attention and alert you as soon as he feels sensations indicating the beginning of an outbreak so he can refrain from intercourse.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 January 2012):
you cannnot be cured of Genital Herpes. You can reduce the outbreaks and the severity with medication but it's a lifelong thing.
IF He says he's cured he's LYING.
my brother has Hep C and his husband has HIV they have been together over 10 years and have not given their illnesses to each other. Sex with an infected partner can be safe but you have to be smart about it.
Speak with your gyn to discuss the best options.
IF you are sexual with him and do not take proper precautions you too will have herpes.
If he's in an outbreak no sexual contact is a good idea. This means ORAL or genital... NO BLOW JOBS for him and he can't perform oral on you and I would not be kissing if his outbreak is in his mouth...
IF he's not in an outbreak you probably are safe but if HE thinks he's CURED or he's LYING to you then he may not tell you if he's coming on with an outbreak (he will know it's coming before the lesions are visable)...
do you TRUST this man you love to be honest with you?
if he THINKS he's cured due to bad information you both need to see HIS doctor together to find out where the breakdown in communication occured.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001860/
from this site:
You may become infected with herpes if your skin, vagina, penis, or mouth comes into contact with someone who already has herpes.
You are most likely to get herpes if you touch the skin of someone who has herpes sores, blisters, or a rash. However, the herpes virus can still be spread even when no sores or other symptoms are present. Sometimes, the person does not even know they are infected.
Genital herpes cannot be cured. However, antiviral medication can relieve pain and discomfort during an outbreak by healing the sores more quickly. These drugs appear to help during first attacks more than they do in later outbreaks. Medicines used to treat herpes include acyclovir, famciclovir, and valacyclovir.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 January 2012):
 I would honestly talk to your doctor. That way you will learn the best way to prevent getting it and/or having sex with the the guy you really like.
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