A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi there everyoneJust looking for some advice as to know I am over reacting or not.I have been in a relationship for 2 years with a lovely man. We see each other 2-3 times a week but he'll stay one night a week, midweek. The other times, and this is what I find difficult is that after coming to see me (food, hugs, sex, tv etc) he will then leave to go to the pub or to see other friends and then go home. It feels so horrible after having a lovely few hours together that he then goes (and doesn't come back to my house). I almost feel lonely which sounds silly. We both like our own space and we are early fifties.Any advice would be appreciated as I feel too old for this lark!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 November 2014):
 Have you asked him why he does this?
Have you told him how it makes you feel?
what would you want him to do instead
he could not come to see you at all
he could come to see you, go to the pub then return to your home
he could switch his night to see you to a different night.
you like your space, he likes his space
so in an ideal world what would you LIKE to be happening on pub night?
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 November 2014):
 You are not overreacting but I don't think he's deserting you at night either. Maybe it's his long time habit to go to the pub because he goes home just to sleep. You've been with him 2 years so you know him pretty well already to trust him. Not enjoying the pub scene does not make you old. It just makes you two different lifestyles and that's not a problem. Maybe by comparison that you are alone at night makes it hard. We are always pressured to fill up our time and socialize it seems. We are made to feel wrong whenever we try to rest and be unproductive. As long as he treats you special such as taking you to dinner and celebrating occasions with you. If he behaves like he just drops by your place for free food, then goes to another place for better entertainment you would not have described him as a lovely man. Another thing that could bother us is the progression of a relationship. We are made to feel there is a problem if there is no marriage or living together after a certain amount of time dating. If you like your space, there is no problems just enjoying dating and then free time afterwards. Last thing is that for women there is always an insecurity trigger when a man leaves after sex. Living together is too suffocating while leaving after sex makes you feel cheap. Kind of a dilemma but maybe understand that a man does not have this problem at all. It's natural for them to forget about it and regain control while women like to let the fuzzy feelings linger.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 November 2014):
 Can you spell: "he's using me for sex... and nothing else"??????
Good luck...
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