A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It is a day before the month we celebrate together with my boy friend for being almost a year and I feel less in love with him and confused. Lately whenever I get sad that something is bothering me he goes from comforting me one minute to total annoyance the next. For example, there was a fan he got me for my dorm as a present for breaking my other fan. When we fought one night, he got so mad and broke the fan he got me. So when today he was throwing it away I felt sad remembering what happen . He got angry at me for looking sad saying I should get over it and that me being sad is only blaming him for what happened and I am making him look like his the bad guy.He told me he should be sad because he was the one that spent money on it. He just suddenly developed this new attitude on how everything he says is always right as well and when there's a disagreement on my part , he gets really upset and punch the wall or hit/break something. He told me he promised he will not to do that anymore when he is upset but I think that's not normal for any relationship but he always blame me for the way he acts when his sad. I don't know what to do anymore, I wish I could change him back to the way he was but I don't he is and if I should just move on even though its hard and he always tells me to stay with him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): He blames YOU for your feelings (which are as a result of things he does) making him feel bad. So basically... going forward you are not allowed to show any emotion which upsets him - yet he can upset you as often as he wants. He wants to be able to be nasty and not get the blame for it. Can you see where this will lead for you? He will make you unable to speak out, unable to express yourself and in fact actually scared of the repercussions of doing so. He is starting to control you. I am someone who speaks from experience. I was with a guy who, if I dared to speak up at the wrong time I would know about it. Started with him shouting and overtalking me in an argument and then, one day when I dared to get annoyed back he jumped up from the sofa, got his hands around my neck and shook me in a rage. I hit him to try and get him off me and guess what? Later he said i provoked him and that I hit him - that was all he could remember. Blocked out the abuse on his part. I cannot say strongly enough that your boyfriend shows every sign he is abusive and I agree with the other post - no relationship should make you feel scared or intimidated. Not ever.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Sounds like he's bi-polar... either way, if you feel scared, unsafe and unhappy in a relationship- its most likely time to leave.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): Please move on now.
If you are not happy in the relationship, and this constantly is affecting how you feel, you should make an appointment with your college's counseling center. They can provide you with the guidance, support, and insight necessary to aid you in ending this emotionally abusive relationship so you can move forward in life.
It is only a matter of time before he turns his anger on you physically. I've been where you are before. Please, get out now! He won't go back to the way he was because he likely wasn't the person you thought he was in the beginning.
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A
female
reader, KittieS  +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Hello,
Orbiter is absolutley right this is not normal, nor is it acceptable behaviour.
The man in your life should be protecting you, i was in a very controling relationship for 14 years and trust me it does not get better, it gets worse and eventually you dont even know who you are.
It took me a long time to discover me, and i found myself in my mid 30's before i realised.
Your a lovely young lady, who deserves to be treated right and as much as you want him to change, im sorry my love but he wont - move on while you can, keep your head held high and dont settle for someone who doesnt give you 100% of what you need.
Everyone deserves to be happy
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A
female
reader, Orbiter +, writes (14 September 2011):
I would move on right now. You're right that this behaviour is not normal in a relationship and it's very possible that one day he will turn his anger on you. Instead of something being broken he'll punch or kick you.
He sounds manipulative and a bit like an abuser - he's wearing away your self-esteem, blaming you for everything. He'll do this until you feel so terrible and unsure about yourself, you won't be able to leave him. He does this to have control over you and your actions. In abusive relationships this is around when the violence starts.
Either way, you're very unhappy in this relationship and you've only been seeing him for about a year. It won't work out, so move on and find someone who actually makes you happy. You'll be amazed at how good relationships can be especially compared to this one.
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