A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:Apologies for this being so long, but I feel that background information could help a little. I've been with my current boyfriend for over 10 months now, and we both love and care about each other more than anything. I lost my virginity to him after about 6 months of dating, and it was only the second time he had ever had sex, though previously we had done other things sexually in previous relationships.We're intimate quite regularly, and we both enjoy it. However, sex can last upto 2 hours and he never ejaculates. The only time he does is if he "helps" me out for a while, and when he does it only takes around 3 or 4 minutes.All of my previous boyfriends have done after a few minutes, and when I asked him if it was something I was doing, he said he's never done it through someone else's stimulation alone.Apparently, the first time he had sexual contact he came instantly, and he's never came with a girl's stimulation alone since.I've asked whether i was the reason behind it, but he said he doesn't know. It's not a huge problem, as I love him and sex isn't important for me, it's just, it leaves me a little frustrated and although he tells me otherwise, I still think it's me, even though it's never been like this with another person.Is there any way I can help the situation? We're open with each other but he doesn't seem to understand the situation either, and I'm not pressurising him into trying to "come", so I don't think it's that.Any opinions on this? Or ideas how to tackle it?
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ejaculate, lost my virginity Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (31 January 2008):
 Well, I do understand that it can be frustrating, and although by using Kegel exercises I have learned to delay, many times ladies have asked me to please release after an extended session. So yes, I do understand, but I have no experience with the "retarded ejaculation" Yos mentions. The advice to research this sounds very good. Best wishes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI realise a lot of people complain about not lasting long enough, but I find this really frustrating after a time. As he doesn't "come" he always wants to carry on for hours, which becomes sometimes painful for me to do.
I spoke to him about it again recently, and he said he doesn't feel uncomfortable with doing it with my stimulation alone, he just simply can't ejaculate, he doesn't get "the feeling" at all, yet he does find it pleasurable and his erection is constant through out.
But, he became frustrated with himself and he said this made it even harder for him, so I think that there's definitely a reason for it, even if it's a subconscious thing. &DoubleM, he gets oral stimulation virtually daily, before and after intercourse, it doesn't happen then either.
But Yos, thank you for that, I'll research it now!
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A
male
reader, Yos  + ♥, writes (30 January 2008):
 This condition is not that uncommon, and is called 'retarded ejaculation' or 'delayed ejaculation'. If you google those then you'll find lots of useful information about it. The problem is usually psychological, not physical.
Double M's point is a frequent reaction, but, as someone who has had this to a lesser / greater degree at different times, I can assure you that the shine soon wears off for a woman with a partner like this and things can get very difficult.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (30 January 2008):
This is interesting because most women, especially older than you, would treasure a man who could perform long enough to satisfy her without getting his jollies long before she reaches even one orgasm
You provide little information here, but I presume that he can maintain erection at length and perform for you with sustained intercourse until you are satisfied, in what ever way you enjoy.
It took me years to be able to master that, but learned to maintain erection without release almost indefinitely. It's not easy, depending on the activity . . but: What woman could complain?
Again, you don't say, but after you have your pleasure, have you tried oral stimulation on the man? That's usually what I'm holding back for anyway, and few guys would not be able to climax to oral performed well.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu + ♥, writes (29 January 2008):
 Ok my boyfriend had the same problem but we managed to solve it by having sex regulaly ok it still takes a while but he manages and a really great tip is to get those durex play things the tingly one is the best and there are even condoms with it on, or just take longer on foreplay, but if it doesnt work then you might just have to accept it.
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A
female
reader, MissKin + ♥, writes (29 January 2008):
 hmm ... I'm going to be guessing here.... like really guessing. When you say he 'came instantly' when he first had sexual contact. This can be embarassing for a guy and can hit them quite hard in the ego area. Some guys learn to safe-guard themselves from this, conditioning themselves into not ejaculating through stimulation other than what they do to themselves, stopping the embarassing mishap of coming in a short while without being able to satisfy the other person. However, as I said this is just a guess.. and if this were the sort of reason why he can't come through anything with you, then I'm not sure how you'd overcome this, perhaps you should just accept it? Sex sounds like it lasts a long time, which you should be thankful for if some of the stories about short sex I've heard are true. As long as what you do and what he does feels good, it shouldn't matter who makes him come. If this is truly causing a problem, maybe you could see a relationship counsellor or a sexual counsellor together to talk through the issue? If it isn't that much of a problem, as long as he's happy and you're happy knowing you're not the problem, then I'd say you should just carry on :) It does sound like he's holding himself back though, perhaps subconsciously but if he can come through stimulating himself then the action of ejaculating isnt the issue. I wish I could help more, but I really just posted so you knew someone was reading your question. I hope things work out. Take care.
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