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My boyfriend called me a bitch last night and I can't get over it!

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 September 2010) 10 Answers - (Newest, 7 November 2010)
A age 22-25, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend called my a Bitch last night. I can't seem to get over it ever though he's apologized many times. He's never cursed at me before and this really hurt me. He was frustrated because he was trying to do something on his computer. He threw the computer cord and I told him not to be such a Baby, I only wanted him to not be so angry. He replied with Don't be such a Bitch. I know I was wrong to call him a baby but I really didn't mean it in a cruel way I just wanted him to not be mad. After he called me a bitch I started crying and he apologized. it's the next day and I'm still upset and he can tell something is off.

Maybe I am just a bitch. My mom called me that when I was 8, my ex called me that at 16, so why should it be any different with him calling me it now?

View related questions: ex called, my ex

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A female reader, sammierenee United States +, writes (7 November 2010):

sammierenee agony auntLearn from your mistakes. Think before you speak. If you called him a baby when he was allready pissed off doesn;t help the situation at all just makes the situation worse. put yourself in his position. he appologized and you shldve appologized first. he had a legit reason to call you a bitch bc that wasnt nice at all.

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A female reader, bubblemaniac Australia +, writes (19 September 2010):

It's these sort of incidents in a relationship that multiply and make for unhappy people. I am in agreeance that you shouldn't have called him a baby but also that he shouldn't have called you a bitch.

There's loads of issues when you both or one party starts to use name calling. I think there is a need to talk about it and apologise yourself for calling him a baby and acknowledge that it wasn't helpful. This may help you move forward.

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A female reader, Battista United Kingdom +, writes (19 September 2010):

Mmmm, I would say name-calling in general is bitchy behaviour. It's mean and spiteful. But you called your bf a name, and seemed to think it was acceptable. Why, then, are you upset at being called a name back? You know full well that calling your bf a baby when he is angry is ONLY going to provoke a further response, and guess what, you got one. Except you don't like it.

I think the issue is more to do with your mother as you note, so that's what you need to sort out.

Get over it, and stop name calling. People won't call you names if you don't do it to them.

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (19 September 2010):

YouWish agony auntUmm, being called a "bitch" *is* cursing at someone, last time I checked, but actually, something was uncovered in him that's very unsettling.

We'll start with the baby comment. There should be no name calling in a relationship, and especially guys don't like hearing emasculating names by their girlfriends. They have egos, and the woman they want to have look up to them and see them as strong and competant calling him a baby is not a good thing.

HOWEVER, and this is the unsettling part. He's upset at a computer and throws the cord. Okay...lose your temper much? And when she calls him a "baby", he fires back with cursing her and calling her something much worse?? Sorry, but a man calling his girlfriend a bitch is demeaning and cruel. But even the word he used isn't the underlying issue that was uncovered.

Here are the underlying issues:

1. He has a very short temper and little control over it

and

2. In a fight with his girlfriend, he will say anything, no matter how hurtful, because he has to hurt her more than she hurt him.

The mature response to her calling him a "baby" would have been "Don't call me names just because I'm having an issue with the computer!", not try to call her a much worse name. That's like if she slapped him in the face, he would take out a wooden board and smacked her back with it. It's a DISPROPORTIONATE response.

Tennisstar is on the right track on this one. If a guy has it in him to curse out his girlfriend at the slightest provocation, and "bitch" qualifies as a curse (you don't hear Barney the Dinosaur using that word!), she should rethink her relationship with the guy.

I don't recommend you break up with him, but a serious conversation about BOTH of you banishing name calling of any kind from the relationship is a good step in the right direction. And I *would* leave him if he makes it a habit of throwing things, punching walls, breaking things, etc.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010):

To be honest, you're over reacting. You sound very sensitive to me and a little insecure. I can understand you getting annoyed, but not crying. If he hit you, cursed at you and offended you as a person (your appearance) or far worser curing words I can understand. Or however he called you a bitch for no reason, I can understand.

But he did get annoyed with what he was doing and you made matters worse by calling him a baby so I can understand why he got annoyed.

I'm sorry to hear your mother and ex called you it in the past but I'm sure it was a different situation to the one with your current boyfriend? I think you should accept his apology and that be it. Else he'll begin to think you're over reacting and may get even more annoyed with you.

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A female reader, xoxDrkrosexox United States +, writes (18 September 2010):

wow u are over reacting. he called u that becuz he was frustrated. dont be so serious. it was a mistake.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010):

Tennisstar you are over reacting, is comment was a fair reaction to her stupid one. Calling someone a baby is not helpful, neither is being called a bitch but I didn't hear you saying that she doesn't have any respect for him.

You're not a bitch and he's not stupid. Leave it at that.

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A male reader, Shadow_Phathom_of_the_Opera United States +, writes (18 September 2010):

Shadow_Phathom_of_the_Opera agony auntDon't tolerate it. Warn him ONCE, if he really love you, he will stop calling you that. If he calls you that again, dump him in the back-alley dumpster (metaphor implied, not literal)... and make sure all is forgiven.

As you said, You gave him one more chance, and from what I see, that's all he deserves. Don't forgive him again after that if he dares calling you a "b*tch" again.

Just keep in mind, if he calls you that again, you must get rid of him, it's the most humane thing possible to do.

NO WOMAN, NOWHERE, NEVER EVER, DESERVES TO BE CALLED A "B*TCH"! Seriously, that just shows his heartless side, and if you couldn't tell he was heartless before, you certainly know now he is!

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A male reader, The Realist Canada +, writes (18 September 2010):

The Realist agony auntYour over reacting to this way too much. I know what its like to be him as I too get really angry with alot of technology. Its just how he reacts, so he was angry at the object and you chose to say something that made him angrier instead of comforting. What you said was just as bad as what he said but this doesn't mean that either of you meant. You're not a bitch, if you were you wouldn't care so much. As for the past I'm sorry those people said that to you but they don't matter. You're not a bitch because of the actions you take in your life and that is what matters, not what people in the past have said.

I have definitely said some things to my gf that I didn't want to but in the end I realised that the best thing to do is to put it in the past because you know neither of you meant it and chances are it will happen again. Each time you time you get through it because you two love each other.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (18 September 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntIf my boyfriend called me a bitch, then I would show him bitch and dump him.

Dear, you're not a bitch and in no way is it fair he called you that. Being called a bitch and being called a baby don't even compare. He called you that because he was angry and most of all because he doesn't respect you. In that petty argument, there was no reason for him to call you that. I would dump him and find a guy who won't curse at you and call you names. Your mother was wrong to call you a bitch at 8, how in the world can you be a bitch at 8? You were a child! So from reading your post, I have concluded you are in no way shape or form a bitch. This is coming from someone who has been called a bitch numerous times.

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