A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I of nearly two months went out the other night to the movies to see the new Hangover movie. After the show, I asked what he wanted to do next and if he might just want to go to my house to hang out for a couple of hours. He said we could go somewhere, but wasn't sure where. So, a few minutes passed and he said to just drive somewhere. So I started driving and then he suddenly starts saying that he has to be up early for work and I should probably just take him home. (Nothing was said to upset him or change his mind. He literally just did the switcharoo that quickly with no catalyst.) I was a little put off. It was only 11 and I knew he didn't have to be in that early (11 am), but we had spent the previous night together and I didn't say much fuss, despite a joking comment of how he was being a party pooper. I took him home. He kissed me a few times rather passionately and told me he loved me. Nothing seemed wrong. I asked when he wanted to next get together and he said he'd get his work schedule for the upcoming week in the morning and he'd let me know. He said another love you, kissed me, and went on his merry way. I then left and got myself some dinner. When I came home, I turned on Netflix thru my xbox to watch while I ate. Well, I saw he was on playing a game and he was on the entire time I watched my movie, which was two hours. I later went up stairs and onto my computer. I did a quick login to Facebook at about 3 am just to check my messages and who comes up on the left panel of friends online icons? Well, my boyfriend of course. I then began to get a little mad because he seemingly had blown me off. He had given me a bunch of "I need to go to bed and shower. I have work in the morning" BS and spent his time vegetating on a couch instead of hanging out with me. It sort of hurt my feelings. We're at the mercy of his work schedule. I am off for the summer. So, I am always eager to hang out whenever he can, but we usually only hang out once, maybe twice, a week. I see him on his xbox all the time when we aren't together and I can't help but feel a little irritated, like he is choosing to spend his nights with a game or a movie instead of me. Am I overreacting or being immature? I'm obviously a gamer, being that I too own an xbox. So, I'm left wondering why he doesn't want to at least vegetate together and play some games or watch some movies. I know id rather spend time with him than a tv screen. Once I begin school and work again in September, we will have nearly no time together. So, I want to do as much as possible while the summer lasts.However, I do realize we can't and shouldn't spend every waking minute together. That's not healthy and I don't want that. I realize we need time to ourselves and that he reserves the right to alone time and to be tired after work. I don't want to be a total jerk or seem psychotic or clingy. I just feel sort of pissed off after having seen him clearly give me a crock of crap. Am I justified in being mad? Should I say something to him? Should I mention how we won't have time come September? Or am I being immature and should I just let it go? It might also be important to point out that he has only had one other girlfriend previously, which didn't seem to serious. He is sort of dorky, which I actually like, and inexperienced. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to both of you. After reading both of these, I realized that his actions likely weren't a reflection of his feelings, but just him wanting to unwind aned chill, especially since we lacked formal plans. The spaghetti and games night is a great idea. I think I'll use that. I think I might say something to him just on the basis of how the summer is ending and our schedule conflicts will make things tough, but in a not so "I need to spend every waking minute with you!!!!" clingy way, because I truly am not. Hey, I like my alone time, too. I'm just enraptured in the "new romance" feeling. ;-) After that small snipet, I'll drop it, like you said. No need to badger him to death or drive him away. I don't think he is a gaming addict. I just don't think he is accustomed to having a girlfriend in his life much. But it is something I will watch out for. Again, thanks!!!!
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (16 July 2011):
 I think FatherlyAdvice gave excellent advice, per usual. Especially on dates and kisses good night!
I'm just throwing in my two cents. I admit that I've (seemingly) blown off my fella to sit at home by myself playing a computer game because it's nice to just have the time with myself, to relax without shame, without talking. Just having a little hot date with myself and some genuine unwinding. I've even inadvertently stayed up until the crack of dawn as well... and generally I just leave my FB up and forget about it. So it looks like I'm active, but in reality my computer is just on and I'm in bed.
I love spending time with my fella, he is the greatest! Wanting some time by myself is no reflection on how I feel about him. But, unwinding is not the same experience with him as it is without him. Sometimes having a little dorky computer loner time can be a good thing.
So there's that. But, I'm not a "gamer" in the least. We spend plenty of time together... like, the last 6 years. And if your guy is spending every waking hour with his Xbox, maybe there is an addiction problem. I don't know him, so it's hard for me to say. I guess I'm just playing devil's advocate.
You could always playfully say, "so, you were up pretty late last night, huh?", listen to his explanation and then let it go. I wouldn't push it or you will seem clingy and all. I do think if you make a big deal of this, you will be going a little too far and that being super mad isn't necessary.
If this is a one-time-event, I would try to move on and maybe make some changes in the routine. Always leave time for yourselves as individuals! But, since you don't have much time, prioritize quality, not quantity and make sure your dates are memorable and fun. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (15 July 2011):
 I'm having trouble deciding how to approach this one. I keep coming back to "of course he checked out of the date, it wasn't much of a date".
There are a lot of things we could talk about. Gaming addiction, Honesty, Clingyness, but if you had been the guy this story would have got you a quick answer. You didn't plan the date, you just got together and "hung out". Two nights in a row. When it came down to just one more "what shall we do now", he decided he was bored and cut to the chase. Take me home so I'll get my kiss. Simple as that. Now he wasn't thinking that clearly because obviously your kiss got him wound up a bit. He decided to blow off ten minutes on a game. One game led to another. Next thing you know he didn't get his shower or the extra sleep.
What should you do? Stop hanging and start dating. Plan dinner and entertainment and an end time. If you want to have a date playing games at your house, great! it's low cost. Plate of spaghetti, Garlic bread, a Few hours of play,
a good night kiss at midnight. Viola, It's a date, and no wondering what he is doing later.
Now I'm old fashioned and I think that he should be planing the dates, or at least taking turns. But, whatever works for you, as long as the dates are planned with the purpose of getting to know each other better.
FA
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