A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a loving boyfriend we have been together about 10 months now, but for some strange reason i just don't want sex? I don't remember being like this with my ex's, but i have never felt this strongly about anyone before.I was sexually harrassed as a little girl and was wondering if that was to with it?Please help me its tearing me up!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2007): All of those are really good comments thankyou.
I do love my boyfriend very much hes going on holiday soon for 2 weeks and the thought of him going away is eating me up just the same wen i went holiday to spain for 2 weeks i couldnt enjoy ymself cos i missed him so much and hate being apart from him, so the question do i love him is out of the question cos i am head over heels.
I am on the contraceptive pill and it got changed about a year and a half ago. and i have been under huge am0unts of stress lately so maybe thats to do with it.
My boyfriend knows about my past and knows i dont always feel in the mood and am always tired from work. But whatever he never shouts or gets stressed with me about it hes a great boyfriend. thanku everyone for the advice xxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2007): if it doesn't feel right don't do itMerry Xmas
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A
female
reader, Ratha  +, writes (24 December 2007):
Is it just this current boyfriend that you don't want to have sex with? Have you experienced sexual desire for anyone else, such as previous boyfriends or crushes (or even fantasy figures)?
If you've never felt any desire, period, it may be long-term psychological fallout of the harassment; or, you may have a naturally low libido, or even be asexual.
If you wanted and enjoyed sex with previous partners and this is a new phenomenon, there are a few more factors to consider. The childhood trauma is probably at play in this case too, if in a slightly different form. If sex has picked up a lot of negative associations for you, then it's reasonable that you might be reluctant to bring it into your current, happy relationship and 'ruin' a good thing. Talking that experience over with a counselor, and with your boyfriend, wouldn't be a bad idea.
Has anything changed in your life in the time between your last boyfriend and this one? Stressful events, changes in fitness level, diet? Are you on any medications? Birth control pills, antidepressants, and a vast number of other drugs can have very significant sexual side effects. Any of these things can impact libido and arousal profoundly.
Did you have bad or indifferent sexual experiences with any of your exes? If so, that could on some level be colouring your expectations of the new one, even though he may be quite different. After all, who needs more lousy sex?
If none of these seem to be the case, you might need to examine your feelings about your boyfriend and your relationship more closely. Your boyfriend may be very loving, but how do you honestly feel about him? Are you with him because he's a nice guy, or do you really love him too?
One way or another, give yourself time and permission to take your feelings as they come. Stressing about not wanting sex is definitely not going to make you feel any friendlier towards it. If you're both happy with the state of affairs, who cares if you're getting it on or not?
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A
female
reader, doodlebugamy +, writes (24 December 2007):
 I actually found out today that eating habits can affect your sex drive. Has your diet recently changed? Try eating foods with lots of iron in - dried fruits, cereals, brown bread, eggs and oily fish are good. Tiredness can affect sex drive too - get plenty of sleep and go to bed at the same time every night. Doing more excercise might also help. Stress can lower your sex drive so take some time out now and again to relax. You say you never had this problem with your exes so I would say that the harassment probably isn't what's making you feel this way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2007): That's good if your relationship isn't just sex sex sex. It shows you are capable of basing a love life on care, and trust. When you both feel ready, have sex. But remember, its not jsut about that.
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A
male
reader, Somethingeasy  +, writes (23 December 2007):
 Your bad childhood experience probally has alot to do with it. Most likly you have to go to counsling to deal with it and get over it. As for your relationship, well you might have to find someone else with a lower sex drive.
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