A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my bf for 3 years now, but I am 1900 miles away from him because of school. I really want to be hugged and touched and comforted. I thought I loved my bf, I was so dependent on him when we were living together, but now, I feel like I would be okay without him. I look at other guys, and I feel attracted to other guys, and when I go to sleep at night, I don't think about my bf being in bed with me, I think about 3 guys in particular that I want.This makes me feel guilty, because I don't know what to do. I will see my bf for Christmas, and I don't want to break it off with him just yet, do you suppose it would be wrong of me to date other guys without him knowing? I just want to test the waters, see what else is out there, but don't want to let of what I have now in order to do it.How should I go about this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): I'm in a long distance relationship and I'm relieved that you put 1900 miles instead of 600. You need to make up your mind on what you want more. And really take the advice you've been given here. The fact want contact and intimacy means you were never dependent on him at all, but just that contact and intimacy. Don't you think he also feels alone, and wants your head on his shoulder? But yea, you need to do some soul searching and make up your mind. You can't just cheat on him. I assure you, if you do, karma will eventually catch up with you. You need to tell him exactly what you're saying here and I hope you do, as I hope my girlfriend would do the same. Just remember, don't do anything to him you wouldn't want done to yourself.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): You are right, I would not like it if he saw other girls, but at this point, I would not even feel jealousy. I guess if that happened, I would just move on.
I meant dependent as in how we lived out lives--we would always have every meal together, watch movies, watch TV, we did everything together.
I guess dating other guys is a strong word, is it wrong of me to go out of my way to be in other men's company (as in studying together, or having meals together)--men whom I am attracted to and am quasi-friends with?
I do feel guilty, my bf is a great guy, he's truly just awesome, but I want some contact, perhaps not even sexual contact, but I want to put my head on someone's shoulders and share that level of intimacy.
I guess I feel quite alone and am very tempted to be with someone else.
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A
male
reader, auvi  +, writes (1 December 2007):
the problem is, you actually are Dependant. u need someone to really hold you. its normal for many people, but in a way it is not fair for your boyfriend, because the more you'll stay away from him the more you'll long for someone to hold you , and the more your love will divert away from him. maybe it is time to break up with him. it will do both of you a favor.
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A
female
reader, calamitysil  +, writes (1 December 2007):
 Why do you not want to break up with your boyfriend? What is stopping you?
You say you're no longer dependant on him, which is good. Dependance is need, not love. I don't pick up anywhere that you have feelings for the boyfriend and you admit you don't feel guilt, so I would break it off with him sooner than later, as it's not very fair on him otherwise, and then you're free to do as you wish. I'm afraid you cannot have your cake and eat it. Turn the situation around, how would you feel if your boyfriend wants to sleep around with some other women but still wants a piece of you? You'd feel like shit,no?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): It wouldn't be fair on your boyfriend if you 'tested the waters' whilst he was away. Whether you like him or not he is still your boyfriend and you should still be loyal to him.
However, from what I can gather from your letter, you would prefer to be with other guys and want to have fun before settling down into a serious relationship.
The decision is completely up to you. Would you rather stay with your boyfriend and have nobody else whilst you are apart, or gently break it off with him so you are more free to have fun with other lads.
My personal suggestion would be that you gently break it off with your boyfriend. You don't have to hurt him or upset him, just tell him that you think the relationship isn't going to work because of the distance and you're really sorry. Easy.
You don't have to do this though. It's just an idea. Have a quiet moment and think. You have two options:
-Finish your boyfriend and have your freedom to test the waters
OR
-Stay with him and see whether it works out, but then you should not experiment with other lads. Cheating on him isn't really an option. How disappointed would you be if you found out he had cheated on you?
Hope this helped, best of luck,
XxXxX
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