A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend so much, but he's got a beard and long hair, he has to have it this way because of his religion, but the thing is im not a fan of beards, but he can't cut it. I really hate beards ! It just makes him look older and my friends think im dating a 40 year old when they see him. I don't care what other people think as im not shallow and and i love him, but i really hate beards, i don't mind the long hair soo much though. Everytime i mention it he unsurprisingly he gets upset/mad. Please help, i really want him to cut it. =l
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, kt +, writes (16 September 2007):
 love him for who he is not what he looks like. give him a break youre only making his life harder by making him choose between his religion and you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2007): you could maybe ask him to trim and trim his hair just say what you feel
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): Because you are trying to change him to suit your needs-self serving.
If you loved him you would also respect that he is of his religion and that to him; keeping a beard is him living his faith the way he can.
It's his choice.
Why did you choose him if you don't like beards? I suspect it's because he was nice, honest, friendly, a good listener and that facial hair is esthetics; superficial.
I am not surprised you are only 16-17, you have a lot of growing to do emotionally.
Sometimes when we open ourselves up for inspection- we do it more out of someone out there supports me and not really I need to expand my thinking and accepting skills and work to change for the better.
And yes, sometimes we Aunts and Uncles can be, what one would see as mean and cruel and overly judgemental, and what another would see as that made me think and re-evaluate my position, thank you.
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A
female
reader, 88jane +, writes (14 September 2007):
 im sorry hun but the other posts are right, if you love this man then you wouldnt ask him to change something that is so important to him! relationships are all about compromise and this is obviously something that you need to compromise on! you cant ask him to change his religious beliefs and traditions and im not suprised he gets upset-you are telling him that you dont like something that is a part of who he is!!
you need to learn to accept him for who he is and what he believes in! surely he had this beard when you met him and you were obviously attracted to him then! im sure you can get over this and have a great relatioinship!!
good luck hunny!
xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): Oh, come on! I'm guessing your boyfriend is a Sikh, right? If you already knew it to be part of his religion, and that cutting his beard is not an option, why did you write us to begin with?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): I'm the girl that wrote the question, the one that should get over herself, you guys don't have to be so mean, its NOT a fasion statement, i still love him no matter what and if i had to choose between a beard and him there is no compettion, he'd win everytime, he knows this. I just have an issue with beards, im ok now as i know that its religion and i will accept him as i have already, it was just a question i wanted to ask in vain almost just to see. But some of you people are just cruel, you dont deserve to be called agony aunts, more like GET CRITERCIZED && Judged aunts. So thanks. Thanks very much.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (14 September 2007):
 Well you gave already said its for his religon so he shouldnt cut it. You have to either love it or leave him as you cant ask him to go against his religon.
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (14 September 2007):
 if you loved him you wouldn't ask him to go against his religion. get over the beard or get over him. your choice.
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A
female
reader, juls57 +, writes (14 September 2007):
Unsurprisingly he gets upset???? Are you serious? This just isn't a fashion statement, it is his religion. Get over yourself. I'm sure he had the beard when you met him.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (14 September 2007):
You don't respect him. You would rather force him to violate his religion to satify your whim. I hope has the sense to ditch you.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (14 September 2007):
 you claim to love this man but you want to change him, not only is this beard part of him, it is his religion aswel. imagine how you would feel if he wanted you to stop wearing your favourate outfit because he didn't like the way it felt against him. you would accuse him of veing controlling and go all stroppy, storm out in a flood of tears and not speak to him for a couple of hours. your not going to change his religion, so yuo're going to have accept for who he is with the beard still in tact. learn to love it and enjoy it. good luck.
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