A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend gets insanely jealous when I talk about other guys who HONESTLY think of me as a friend. He spazzes out of them and says things like 'hey, why don't you back the f*** off?'...It embarasses me, and they don't talk to me anymore because people are afraid of setting him off on me. It's embarassing and shameful to see the look on thier faces when he treats them like this.Don't get me wrong, I love that he values me so much, and he has reasons the be over protective; when I thought we'd break up a few months ago, I kissed two other boys. But we got back together, and I'm very faithful and would rather nail my tongue to the table with a wooden peg and a rock than ever hurt him again...But how do I tell him enough's enough without him thinking I cheated on him again? Help!PS: We'll be together for a year on Febuary 6th.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (5 January 2007):
 Every person who responded withthe same advice and you replied by saying you're happy with what you've got.....You really think he values your companionship??????? Look at what you're saying. He values you as long as you do as he says...PERIOD. If you don't do as he says, you're in trouble. What kind of love is that? His childhood might explain his actions but doesn't justify them continuing. You should open your eyes. You asked for advice for a reason.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for responding, everyone! You've all been a big help. I was desperate for advice! I mean, I have all my girl friends, and I don't talk to that many guys anymore--fallen out of touch with most of them--so it's really not so bad. The only men in my life are his father, my step father, my brother, his cousin, and that's it. He doesn't care when I swat his cousin on the butt, and he doesn't care when I give his father a goodbye kiss, and I'm okay with what I have now. I really think he values my companionship because of the lack of friends and family togetherness in his childhood life. He treats me like a princess and buys me whatever I want, even if I don't really want it. He's gentle with me, but he gives me what I want. Satisfaction wise, if you know what I mean. He's very important to me. Thanks again for all your advice. Mwah!
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A
female
reader, Reebe  +, writes (5 January 2007):
 I would be very concerned about this, you may love your boyfriend, and he may have reason to be a bit jealous but the way he is treating you is UNACCEPTABLE. He is not only trying to push all your friends away he is also making a fool of you. You HAVE to tell him how it embarrasses you and it's not fair that he does this. Be caring and tactful and he may tell you why he is behaving like this, this needs to be stopped straight away.
This is controlling behavoir and will only get worse and will develop into more than just jealousy. If he doesn't change his ways you could lose all your friends and be a lonely person with only him in your life and who waould want that for someone your supposed to love?
If he won't agree to change you need to get out of thie relationship. fast.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): I know you may feel flattered on some level that your boyfriend is so jealous and possessive of you, it must mean he really loves you, right, and you feel pretty guilty over making him angry because it must be your fault, right?
Wrong on both accounts...your boyfriend sounds like he may be a classic abuser...men like this do not love they are profoundly insecure, they think love is about control and possession, it is not, it is about being a loving partner to someone else, putting that person's needs above your own and making a committment to being a loving and attentive partner.
Men who show these signs of wanting to control who you are friends with, or keep you from having friends and contact with your family or rage at you or them are going to continue with this behavior and even escalate it into something much worse like physical violence against you and or them.
He may start monitoring your mileage on your car in extreme cases, at any rate this is not the kind of character you want in a boyfriend....you need to move on and find someone that is mentally healthier and emotionally mature....if he changes and grows up, then and only then should you consider letting him back into your life...you need to set some boundaries and not accept this kind of treatment from anyone in your life most of all a boyfriend. Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): You love that he values you so much!!!!!!! NO HE DOESN'T!!!!!! He wouldn't treat you like this. He is jealous and that is a bad road to go down, very destructive! You have a right to speak to anyone you want. You are not a prisoner or his goods! It makes me so annoyed when i read anything like this. Tell him to pack it in now or you and he are finished. I was with someone like that at your age and it was sheer hell. A very controlling control freak. Get rid while you still have some friends left and some sanity. He will bring you down to the gutter along with him. Please get rid!!!
Take care
xx
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (5 January 2007):
You're in a bad situation. IF you feel that you'd go to that extreme so, as to not set him off, he's a bomb waiting to explode. Why should yo walk on egg shells and pay a price for something you haven't done. You're a person. We commiunicate and meet others. Your guy sounds controlling and, he does not have the right to do this, too bad about the past. What is he actually protecting you from? Talking, experiencing words with another person. Being in the same space as another person. Can you talk to the guy next to you at work, on the bus, class reunion, school. your cousins friend.....? Where does HE draw the line about who YOU can talk to. e's basically accusing you of being weak and unable to resist other men, leading you to cheat with them. That's not a very high opinion to have of someone you're supposed to love.
The problem is his and it will get worse the deeper the relationship gets.
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