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female
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*onfusedpisces
writes: My boyfriend of 4 years drives me nuts by constantly staring at other girls until they notice and then start returning the stares enjoying the attention...eye ping-pong begins! Why does he do this? Is he desperate for attention, is he insecure or have I got it wrong and he thinks he's soooo gorgeous? I am sooo confused cos he says he loves me to death and I'm all he's ever wanted. We have had an up and down four years but we're pretty concrete now. Last time we broke up for a month or two was in February and I found out then that each time we had a rift he went on to online chat rooms and also had entries into alot of free dating sites. Is this all to reassure himself that he is desirable. Please help as I am at my wits end trying to decide whether I put up with this anymore as he does it everywhere we go, the supermarket, to the pub, restaurants etc....
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female
reader, confusedpisces +, writes (19 December 2006):
confusedpisces is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Ivana22 - it helps to think so! I know he thinks he looks good and he has a thing about his height being attractive to women (6ft 2) but he also has a thing about when he opens his mouth they think he's a northern git!he he...
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female
reader, Ivanna22 +, writes (19 December 2006):
 yeah I know how you feel. My ex bf of 3 years and 5 months is the exact same way. He's paranoid as hell, he gets all weird every time i'm gonna go out somewhere without him and stuff. Don't worry, he's just very insecure. I bet you're too pretty for him lol.
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female
reader, confusedpisces +, writes (14 December 2006):
confusedpisces is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFantastic answers girls and does give me a great source of comfort as this has been rolling around in my head for an eternity! Anonymous has hit the nail on the head cos when i have confronted him he denies doing it and totally says that he is unaware of it and that i must tell him at the time but when i have he's gotten bad tempered and said that i imagine it and have a complex! So doing the same (which i have done at times) only makes the situation worse - he hates me dressing and behaving for attention.....He is very insecure, he hates me going out without him so i don't very often and when i do or am intending to, this is the time he makes his oggling so obvious. He is a wonderful man in many, many ways and having been married twice before him let me tell you he's got some terrific qualities - it's just this! At least you girls help me in that i thought i was getting paranoid - it's just that it makes me sooo doubt myself and Irish49 explains that well cos eventually if i can't get over it i'll have to walk cos i can't take my self esteem being trashed.
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female
reader, Ivanna22 +, writes (13 December 2006):
I think he does this because he wants u to think that if u guys break up he can easily get other girls. He wants u to appriciate him more I guess. He's begging for attention. And like every men, he enjoys looking at other women, but there's no reason for him to make it obvious. That's disrespectful to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): Well...it's well-known that men do like to look at other females. Many of them usually do it when there beloved is not with them and even then, it's just a look or two. There is a limit and your man seems to have gone overboard. I can see why you are questioning his behaviours. His words and actions are not matching up and you are wise to discern what he is doing. I do feel he is doing this as a game to hurt you and he is needy and insecure. It sounds like he does want validation of his attractiveness. That is so sad. However, out of love and respect for you, he should not be doing this. Once a man or a woman falls in love, this type of behavior should cease simply because 'their loved one's happiness is just as important as their own." Perhaps you need to communicate clearly and set a boundry by saying, 'what you are doing is disrespectful to me and our relationship and I will not tolerate it'. Tell him how much it hurts you. And also, if he does do this again in your presence, you will have to muster up the strength to get up and leave. Never hedge from this..follow through. Id he doesn't make changes to his behaviour, you may have to readdress and reassess this relationship and ask if he's the one for you. I know you likely love him but his behaviours are not loving toward you. That is the harsh truth of what he's doing. And if he continues this behaviour it will make you into a very angry, bitter person. You will never continue building the foundation of trust..it will get shakier as time goes on. So don't tolerate this behaviour. A mature, loving, good man of integrity knows that he will not do anything to sacrifice a good relationship with his beloved. He is an adult and he can control where his eyes and his mind go while in the presence of other women. I wish you well, with this, hun. No woman should have pay this huge emotional price all in the name of 'love'.Take care and never be afraid to set boundries or doing what you have to, to stay happy and safe in your relationships. If, he doesn't comply with what you are asking...then you may be better off without him. There are a lot of amazing , great men out there, who would never do this to the one they love dearly. Take care and be strong.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): My husband used to do this when we got together first. He couldn't really explain why he did it. I presumed it was because he was used to being single. I turned the tables on him and when he confronted me about it, i told him that i would stop when he did. He didn't seem to be aware he was doing it at all. In any case, it stopped then.
Who knows why your fella is doing this; but it's upsetting you and he needs to understand that it's important to you. Four years is a long time to be with one person; but if he wants to look (naturally, we all do it from time to time) then surely he can be discreet about it?
If he refuses to stop, or explain himself, then you may want to think seriously about where the relationship is going. Do you want to be with someone who has so little regard for your feelings?
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female
reader, Nikita  +, writes (13 December 2006):
 Hi Confused. Well, most men will flick looks at an attractive woman and some will even stare quite openly but it seems that your partenr is taking this to an extreme and it is making you unhappy. He could be doing it to reassure himself that he still 'has it' or he could be just getting a thrill out of the attention. Whatever the reason, you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel, that its driving you mad and he has to try and curtail his staring and eyeballing. Some men dont even realise that they are staring and it sounds like its become a habit with him. Say to him that he wouldn't like it if you were making eyes at men all the time so why should you have to put up with it. A glance or look is fine but not constant staring. Good luck!x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): you need to sit him down how can you trust him go out have fun and see how he feels
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