A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm incredibly confused right now. My longtime boyfriend and I broke up a couple of days ago after nearly a year together. We were close friends for years before we started dating. His reason for ending things is because he is depressed, needs time alone to figure himself out, and doesn't want to drag me down with him. While I feel this is understandable and resepctable, it puts me in an awkward position, because he talked about having hope for getting back together one day. I don't know if I should wait for him, or try to move on with my life? I'm still incredibly concerned about him, and I'm trying to give the space he needs, but I don't know if I should keep hoping for things to work out or if I am just in denial?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wanted to thank all of you who provided me with such good advice; it means so much more to me than I could ever tell you. Because he was my best friend long before he was my boyfriend, I feel like I've lost my whole support system.He has made it clear that he wants no further contact with me, as he is not picking up the phone. I am absolutely heartbroken that a good relationship got thrown away like this, and I'm devastated without my best friend. But if he doesn't want to talk to me, I cannot force him to.I guess the question now becomes how do I move on from this? I can't believe this is happening, and I am barely coping.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2007): Well I'd have to say I agree with the first comment. Maybe you should consider asking him what is causing his depression. I have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years and have been in the same situation. He would usually become very quiet and not say what was bothering him until I asked. Because he means the world to me, I tried my hardest to make him happy in every way. By talking things out, you might find that you could be his rock; exactly what he needs to get by.
Although when my boyfriend broke up with me I was deeply hurt, I managed to realize I had to be the strong one in the relationship. I will warn you that if this becomes a routine, you might become worn out, as I have in the past. Make sure that his future depressions won't hurt you without you knowing it. I was actually at the point where I felt that I needed some support and because he was in need, there was no room for it.
I will not tell you to give up hope on what has a chance of being the greatest thing in the future - the best relationship. If you're willing to devote your compassion when he's done sulking, be sure to do it whole heartedly. Look at him as not only your love, but your best friend. Would you want someone to listen if you had problems with depression? I bet you would. But in his case, spending time alone may be what is best for him, or the only way he knows how to deal these situations.
Keep your hopes up and don't walk away not knowing what could have been. I pray for the future of your relationship. I know you can be strong for him and yourself. Be the one for him to look up to, kind of like a role model. Once his eyes are open, it will be clear soaring from there. Hope this helped you. Just remember that this isn't something that only happened to you. Good luck with everything! :)
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A
female
reader, Just a Girl...  +, writes (9 May 2007):
 huni i gotta say, i think its a good thing hes asked for a break to sort his depression out. honestly i wish my bf wud do dat. its alot of stuff to put on your shoulders being with someone hus down all the time n stuff n the fact that hes facing up 2 it is reli gud!!
dnt put your life on hold waiting for him but u gotta see that wat hes doin will make fings better for the both of you in the long run
take care xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2007): Depression is extremely difficult, ive had it for quite a while myself, if you have hope that he will get better then dont move on just yet. Depression doesnt last forever.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): i have suffered with depression for a long time and when i get down the only place i want to be is on my own. i have a really loving partner and great kids but when it strikes i cant help myself so maybe thats the way your fella thinks i agree with the other post that said call him every few days but i will say encourage him to seek medical help as a few tablets can help him feel better but taken properly can make the world of difference to him let him know your there for him take care
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A
male
reader, DKR +, writes (8 May 2007):
 if it's a long term relationship then he's probably telling you the whole story. I've been through depression myself and there was a time where i needed to be on my own. I had the knowledge that my partner of the time was there when i needed her and a strong group of friends ready to help me when i wanted it. I believe it's the same case here. Just contact him every couple of days to see how he's getting on, keep conversation light and cheery. Eventually he'll come to you.
Of course it's alot of work and patience involved. Is it worth it? You need to ask yourself that hun. How long? When he's ready.
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A
male
reader, michael hughes +, writes (8 May 2007):
i feel your long time boyfriend real cares about you if he is telling the truth about how he doesw not want to bring you down as well. maybe you should give him a little break then talk to him as a mate as most people can talk to their mates about depression. if everything goes ok then carry things on where they left off. if he is depressed the wrong thing to do is start a new relationship. this would really bring him down.
hope everythings works out mail me if everythings is sorted out.
thanksx
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