A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hello Thank you for taking time to read this, This question is a about a friendship nor a relationship but it's very important so I decided to ask. So let me cut to the chase and tell you my problem. I have a friend who's been my best friend for about 5 years or so. We just started highschool this year and things have begun to change. She irritates me very very much and very often. I often begin to resent her and don't want to carry out some of my friendship responsibility, which is not what a best friend does but, it has gotten to the point where I don't want her in sight. Now some would say just get away from her or stop talking to her but, she lives right around the corner from me, we have two classes together, hang out in the same places with the same people, and belong to the same friend group so I see her quite often. Recently, I've become very annoyed with her and hardly want her around because when we hang out she talks about herself and all the new friends she's made all the time. I will be honest and say I used to envy her very approachable personality and ability to talk to new people with ease, as I have a little more trouble opening up and being approachable but, it is possible for me. I'm just less of a people person than she. It has been like this for years so I really think nothing of it now. I just don't really like that she acts like everything she has to talk about or her new friends are so interesting and important that she is starting to blow me off for them or when I want to speak or release my feelings she acts disinterested or bored in what I have to say. She also is quite pretty so she gets a lot of male attention and I am always there to listen or help with a guy but when I get male attention and want to talk she acts disinterested or like I have no chance or ability to last with or keep a guy's interest. She also always has negative comments about the guys I am interested in, talking to, or are in a relationship with. I used to be able to hang out with her for hours with ease but now even our almost bi-weekly tradition of walking to our favorite coffee shop right by our houses are becoming boring for me. I am beginning to find it hard to speak to her some days. I feel as though she is trying too hard to be friends with a lot of people and our friendship is suffering because of it. I really have no idea what to do so please help me. Thank you, Shay
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female
reader, Questing for Love +, writes (11 November 2015):
 I have been through the same exact experience. Except I let it go on longer than 5 years. We were friends for about 9 years all the way from elementary school up to being seniors in high school. She was a good friend at first with only occasional moments of negativity that got under my skin but I always brushed that aside because I always told myself, her good qualities as a friend outnumber the bad. We were like you and would literally hang out and talk for hours on end. However, we often got into fights, my parents constantly told me she was a bad influence, she came between myself and my other friends causing more arguments. It wasn't until 10th grade that the term "best friend" changed in my mind. She unknowingly showed me that she didn't accept me 100% for who I was and things just went downhill from there.I grew to LOATHE her. I finally realized how much of a manipulator and a bully she was. By our senior year I was so ticked off that I just wanted to graduate and leave her behind in my past. I ended up pulling away from her during that last year and becoming closer friends with others in our friend group. This was the best decision. They had my back when things got even worse. The worst thing about this friend is that she never saw anything she did as bad or wrong, which could very well be how your friend is, perhaps she doesn't see anything wrong with her behavior and doesn't even realize she's doing it. What i'm trying to say through this long explanation, is that if you think this person is no longer a good friend, do NOT let it drag out. Become better friends with someone else in the group and branch out away from this negative friend. If you let it continue, you'll end up like me, just filled with hate for this person and letting anger build up to unhealthy levels. Don't do that to yourself. Especially since you have some years left in school, you don't want them to be as crappy as mine were. If you can pull yourself away slowly into interacting with others instead, things will most likely get better. And perhaps getting that space from her will make your feelings towards her lessen a bit. I had to graduate and go away to college for at least a year before I even BEGAN cooling off from our heated "friendship." I will admit though, responding that year later to one of her facebook messages (as she had had a baby and gotten engaged) telling her congrats released a huge weight as I was finally letting go of our past. DO NOT deal with this same sort of situation. Get out while you can is all I'm trying to say.
A
female
reader, Beryl1  +, writes (9 November 2015):
It sounds like you and your best friend are growing apart. This is something that happens alot as you grow older I have some friends from when I was younger but most are strangers to me now. If you feel you don't want the friendship any longer maybe you should join groups like after school clubs drama clubs and make some new friends or maybe you do want the friendship to work and your just feeling a little resentful and left out maybe try speaking to your best friend about your worry of your friendship after all she is your best friend she should understand and you never know she may feel exactly the same way. I hope all turns out well for you and good luck within secondary school.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 November 2015):
 Ah, there IS a bit of envy going on, but also she is more busy making MORE/NEW friends that BE a good friend to you. So in that case I'd start to do the same, yes, you live close by and have classes but that doesn't mean you are joined at the hip. You might not make as many friends as her, which is irrelevant - it's NEVER about the number of friends the the quality of the friends that matter. You CAN have more than one friend at a time.
She wants to be the center of attention, which is "normal" at that age, but she doesn't seem to understand that she can't BE that center ALL the time, in order to receive, you have to give some back.
Dial it back a but with her, if you aren't enjoying the time going to the coffee shop, don't go every time.
Someone who PUTS you down to make themselves more interesting, to make themselves seem "better" are not a good friend (or BF for that matter). And if she isn't interested in talking about any subject/guy YOU are interested in without negativity, maybe she is feeling a lot of the same things you are. As in... she isn't as fond of your friendship as she used to be. So while I would STILL be nice and polite around her (don't gossip or talk smack about her to other girls, because THAT gets around and it's not the way to make friends) I would "branch out. Find people whom you share things in common with and make new friends.
Some friends are forever, some are not. It might be a phase for you two, it might not. That is all up to the two of you.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (9 November 2015):
 OK - so the person who was your best friend while you were in junior school now is no longer you best friend. Things change. Change is the only certainty in life. It's all right. Throughout your time people will come into your life and others will leave.
Changing school is an upheaval. There is so much to take in, and take on. New friends will enter your life now. Make sure you keep the door open for them. And don't cling to what was.
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