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My best friend has a girlfriend, but I love him, too

Tagged as: Dating, Forbidden love, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 February 2008) 19 Answers - (Newest, 29 January 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

right i reli dnt no what to do.. i am in love.. right the story is i have known this boy all of my life and we have always clicked and got on really well, about 3 years ago, we both liked each other but always seemed to deny it for some reason, so because we were always denying it we started to believe we were just friends ourselfs, because this went on for so long, it turned to love and we both loved each other but nothin ever happened. i always used to push him away because i had no experience and i didnt want to seem like a freak, and also i didnt want to ruin the friendship we hade made. after a few months we just used to be friends even though we both knew we felt more than friendship. anyway later on he got a girlfriend who he was with for months. he still used to talk to me and tell me ow much he liked me, but his gf was so jealous of how close we were and how much time we spent together and used to tel him tht he wasnt allowed to speak to me. and there was a huge fling between us when they were together but nothing every happened was just our feelings taking control. i stopped seeing him as much when i met new people as i was always with them and i thought i had got over him, but he went in the army last month and only now do i realise how much i love him, i cant go a day without thinking of him and i miss him so much.. but theres a downside.. he has s gf and now i just dont know what to do. i cant talk to him about it because i dont want to ruin his realtionship like i did before, but i dont know what else i can do? sorry about the lenght but please help me..

View related questions: best friend, has a girlfriend, jealous

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A female reader, supercnfsd United States +, writes (29 January 2011):

I am in the exact same situation... the only difference is that I have been intimate with him while he was on a break with his gurl.. so I know how he feels about me. He went back to her after our little fling and I felt completely blindsided. I have spoken to him.. and all he says is.. its complicated and he doesnt think we can be together and he hopes that his gurl would become like she was when he met her. He is practically engaged with her and they are suppose to get married so he does not want to let this go cos all of his family know about her. she has acted completed crazy in the past and has been really really jeolous of our friendship. He still makes me feel like I am special cos he tells me that he cannot lose me at any cost. I dont want to either. But i am falling in love even more as the day goes by. I know for a fact that he did not use me for his peace of mind. I know he genuinely loves me. But what I dont understand is why he wants to be with her even when he knows she does not make him happy. I have told him countless times about how I feel. Now the problem is, thats I talk about to him. Which I need to stop. It's difficult to be normal and act like things dont affect me, but I have to do it. He is not used to seeing me sad or upset and let alone him being the reason for it. I am confused. I want to wait to see if they wil end up together if not, then I want to be here to take him back in my life. I think he knows that I will wait for him so I don't know if he takes that as an advantage. It sucks to bad and hurts like hell. I would only suggest to go and talk it out with ur friend. But dont keep bringing up the topic all the time. He will lose his faith in you. Just be his friend and be there for him. But keep your emotions in check and don't evern get hyper or crazy. I hope things have worked out for you cos its been a long time since you wrote this question. If you reading this, please update on how things went with you. It will help a lot of us.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010):

Hey, girl, i know exactly how u feel. i have a really close friend who at first was just a crush but the more we spent time together the more my heart pounds when i am around him. but of course he has a girlfriend who is skinnier and prettier than me by a long shot. And i dont know if he has shown any interest in me anyways. but if i had the courage i would tell him this.

I would talk to him, start it off casusal about something you guys like, and then try to get him to talk about his gf. when you bring up the subject make sure you are ready for any rejection. look into his eyes and say how cute him and his gf look together as a couple. then tell him how u feel about him. make sure you don't lose contact. if he rejects you, he rejects you. thats it. but make sure he doesn't kiss you or do anything else... because he hasn't told his gf yet. hope this helps!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010):

well i am in this situation too. im really tight with my guy friend we are like bestfriends. and our friendship started when i was trying to get over this guy, he was helping me a lot. and at that time i started to like him and he hinted that maybe he liked me too. but i really didnt wanna lose him as my friend. but he said that he likes this other girl so what i did was i helped him out with her. and now theyre together. but it hurts u know.

maybe you can wait until theyre relationship ends then you can tell him. or you can tell him now. i know that after it may get awkward and stuff but grab the chance when you can tell him cause maybe u wont get another chance. and he sounds like he likes you. so there is a greater chance that he will stay by urside.

i hoped i helped cause its kinda hard since im in that situation too.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010):

I feel so sorry for you. every other answer I agree with, but I just wanted to say that if you truly know that he likes you, and has for a long time, he will come back. That's the time to tell him.

spit it out

I could have spit it out many times, but just didn't. DON'T MAKE THAT MISTAKE. now my friend has a gf but i can tell he can't decide. i just wish i could build the courage to send him a letter or something, but for some reason i don't waant him to know. (I have liked him and dreamed of him everynight since the night i met him. that was 6 years ago. yes, a long time, but you can see in his eyes that he likes me.)

sorry i had to unload that.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010):

same here... girl, if u wait it out, sometime or later he break up with her if he really likes you. and then you can just outright ask him if he truly loves you. just don't think about what you are saying and wait for an answer.

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A female reader, bre_bre Canada +, writes (2 November 2010):

same here. My best guy friend is dating a close friend of mine, but I sorta fell in love with him this year. All I can say is dont let go, keep him in your life. You never know

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010):

hi, i'm having a similar problem.. it's like he's my best friend since a year ago, but when we first met, it was like if i knew him since ever. at that moment he had a gf but they had problems.. and youu know.. then he came to me with the 'nobody likes/love mee!' and i responded him with one 'i do'

since that he started flirting with me and he even asked if i wanted to be her gf, but i said no . every time he asked, i gave the same answer. and like a week ago he gave me the news : he had a new gf. and i was about to ask him out...

well i think that both have to talk about that feelings. it's like you'll never know if he feels the same, and if he is a true friend and doesnt feel the same things will be the same but maybe one day he'll realize that he loves you to (:

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010):

I have the same problem...the only thing different about my situation is that we're best friends and he knows how I feel about him and he feels the exact way even if he still has a girlfriend..my advice to you would be to tell him. Don't let him get away just because he has a girlfriend.I'm not saying to steal him away from his girlfriend because that's just wrong, but what I'm saying is he might feel the same way about you, but he just doesn't know how to tell you or he might think that you don't feel the same way he feels about you. The way I look at it is it's either he can say he feels the same way about you or he doesn't..and if he doesn't then it wasn't meant to be and if he does then congratulations..but don't let him get away because you never know, he may be the one and I would hate for you to lose him because he has a girlfriend..(think about it..the only way you guys can be together is if him and his girlfriend now breaks up.) Much love and I hope everything works out the way you want...and I hope my advice helped.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010):

I've got the same problem, i know this guy for a year now and i know i love him, at first i thought he felt the same way but then things got compicated and he got a girlfriend.

Everytime i see him i want to smile but it hurts so much when he's looking at me because i know he's never gonna be mine. It seems like she is everything he ever wanted, if only he knew that i have feelings for him.

It wouldn't be fair if i told you that you should tell him how you feel, because i would never have the courage to do that, but good luck anyway and don't worry, you aren't the only one that has the same problem.

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A female reader, afterthelastmidtownshow42 Australia +, writes (16 June 2010):

Wow,

I have the exact same problem.

I'm in love with my best guy friend and he has a gf. We got really close about a year ago, but I had my end of school exams, so I cut things off. Because we would talk every night, very late and I didn't think it was fair on us to juggle both. Now a year later, it's his birthday and I really want to do something special and, we've grown close again although not as close as before. We tell each other more than we tell our friends, and he never talks about his gf with me to protect me from it. I've tried moving on, meeting new people, and they're fun, but I'm just not as close with them as I am with him.

I don't know what to do.

But I think the best thing is to wait for him, if you can't move on. Eventually he's going to realize how much you mean to him, and that it's not worth loosing you any longer.

It's really encouraging to see that we're not alone and that this is pretty common.

Keep Faith.

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A female reader, joejoe16 United Kingdom +, writes (23 February 2010):

hey i'm in the same situation my best friend used to be mad about me but i didnt believe people when they said he did. Now he has moved on and has a girlfriend who just happens to be the one person at my school who i cant stand but lately i have grown feelings for him and i think im in love whenever i see him i smile so much and i know he likes me back i can see it in his eyes but he has a girlfriend but the other day he said to me that he wasnt entirely happy with his gf i also dnt know what to do but i think im going to wait to see what happens with his girlfriend but i suggest u tell him how you feel because if he cared as much as u say he did then he will probs still have those feelings xxxxxxxxxxxx good luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008):

ok ,

i have the same exact problem right now 2 anyways you really need to tell him how you feel it would be worst to lose a love because of a secret than lose a friend because of honesty , but the choice is your ....and by that i mean TELL HIM!!!!!!!!!!

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A female reader, SirenaBlusera Mexico +, writes (22 August 2008):

SirenaBlusera agony auntIf he is truly a friend, then he would never abandon you. I really hate girls that demand that their boyfriends abandon their female friends. How would anyone feel if about their best friend throwing them away? Pretty cut up about it, I know. You asked me for ideas, and I would tell him about my feelings. I am not saying that you should try to break, up the relationship... but I am saying that if you reveal your feelings to him, then at least you will have closure. If he's a true friend, he'll stand his ground, whether he reciprocates or not.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008):

I have the same problem- I have come to realize that I am in love with my best guy friend. And he has a girlfriend. I didn't realize how I felt about him before. But now they've been going out for eight months and talking marriage, and I don't know what to do.

He is like the guy version of me. I think he might be my soul mate.

However, he is completely devoted to Amy. Who is so wrong for him I can't even stand it. He likes classic rock. She likes rap and dance music. He loves to play guitar. She hates it when he writes songs for her. She is really clingy all the time, and he needs something different than that in his life right now.

All of our mutual friends hate Amy.

And all of my friends say that we would be the cutest couple ever. But I know that if I ever said anything he would never forgive me... and it would make things really awkward. If he doesn't feel the same, where would we go from there? Our friendship would be destroyed and replaced with lame awkwardness, even if we agreed to forget about it.

I'm heartbroken. I can't eat, I can't sleep... I just want it to end. :(

Does anyone have any ideas?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008):

He shouldn't turn his back on your friendship... I hate girls that expect their boyfriends to abandon their female friends. If he's your best friend, then you confide in him, and you can tell him anything, right? I would tell him how you feel, because that beats the hell out of wondering, "what if?." He may reciprocate, and he may not, but at least you'll have an answer. If he's truly your friend, he'll stand by you, even if he doesn't share your feelings... because he cares about you as a friend. I've been in this situation before, and it SUCKS... I hope things work out for you to find someone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2008):

oh man, you totally read my mind.

i'm in the exact same situation, but he's practically engaged. it breaks my heart to know but when i think about it, if you cheat with him, you'll be cheated on by him. its a harsh reality. no matter how cautious i am though, i can't help but feel this way. he gives me goosebumps when i'm with him and i'm pretty sure it's the same.

what hurts me is that he isn't using me, he doesn't get anything out of me except a few kisses.. but these kisses are on another level. if there was ever a chance of a kiss telling you something - it's that there is definately a spark. if he was using me, it would be simple to figure out, but he gets nothing from me - yet still wants to see me alot (and keep his gf). i dont understand but it kills to feel like the runner up.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008):

girl u need to tell him how u feel about him...maybe he feels the same but unless u let him know u will be left to wonder for the rest of ur life what could have been

an i believe its always easier to walk away when u know u gave it everything u had ......im in ur situation i love someone elses man

they are having a family now but i will never give up on my love for him

i believe he is my soulmate....an i always tell him how i feel every chance i get coz i love him with all my heart an il never let go of my dream unless iknow i have givin him all i have an if i have to walk away with a broken heart ...atleast i know i was true to myself all the way :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008):

I know just how you feel. One of my best friends now has a girlfriend and I feel extremely sad about it. I tried hinting at him that I loved him, but he hasn't gotten the idea yet.

Try to focus your mind on other things. When he does come back, tell him how you truly feel. That is something I tell myself everyday and I haven't gotten around to it since. And remember, if it doesn't work out, there are plenty of guys out there that are looking for that special someone.

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A female reader, Cay Canada +, writes (5 February 2008):

Cay agony auntI think the best thing you can do Is follow your heart. Do you really, truely love him deep down inside? Do you just want to be friends? Or do you want to be more than just friends? I would take him aside and say '' Hey, I really need to talk to you..'' and then take it from there, hun. Make sure you don't hurt his feelings, even if you do, atleast you opened up to him and you letted him know how you felt.

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