A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship with a currently deployed soldier. We love and respect each other very much. But the fact is, he tend to get mad for every single reason. For example, today he got mad over the fact that I want to go to the gym (because he thinks guys will try to flirt with me). The other day, he got mad when a guy friend, commented "ya'll are cute" on a Facebook picture of my sister and I.I really try to understand how he feels being there and everything that comes with it. But these kind of situations just put more unnecessary stress on the both us. When I try to talk about it and tell him he has nothing to worry about, it ends up being an argument he we end up even more frustrated.What can I do??
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 February 2013):
What are you getting out of this relationship? I hate to say it, but love means little without compatibility. If he's on your case about everything you do how are you going to be happy?
In his defense he has probably heard all the stories about wives and girlfriends cheating while their man is away.
A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (18 February 2013):
 Tell him that he can either trust you or not.
If he doesn't then it should be over.
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A
male
reader, Love-Wisely +, writes (18 February 2013):
 Anger is probably an important emotion for him right now. Clearly, deployment is a dire emotional situation that is not easy to address. Still, many, many guys act this way who aren't deployed. Growing up means at some point (or another) dealing with rash emotions in nontoxic ways.
Be sympathetic, but stand firmly against irrational jealousy. Tell him it's a "turn off", because it is. If pressed: remind him that if you wanted to be single, you would be single.
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A
female
reader, DeliriousOne +, writes (18 February 2013):
Trust is very important in any relationship. Without it, what do you have? It is understandable for your boyfriend to feel insecure about other guys trying to flirt with you, especially since he is away. However, if he trusts and loves you, he will know in his heart that you would not betray him. I think you should seriously have a deep conversation with him and let him know that you will not tolerate the kind of behavior he is showing. And if he insists on arguing rather than talking it out like an adult, then there is not much hope. Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): Ask him if he trusts you.Explain to him that you are a grown woman and perfectly capable of rebuffing any attempts at flirting that men at the gym could throw your way. You could also look for a women only gym in your area. If you already have paid a membership fee at your current gym, tell him that you found a women only gym in your area, but if he wants you to go there, he has to pay for you to go since you already paid your gym fees.Assure him that you love him. Explain to him that neither he nor you can control what other people do on facebook. And neither he, nor you can control whether some gross sweaty dude at the gym tries to flirt. The only thing you can control is yourself. Just like you don't flirt with a random male commenter on facebook, you don't entertain the gym flirts, or construction workers who hoot and cat-call when you walk past.
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