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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: HelloI have some issues that I would like someone to give me an advice, I am a 27 years old woman, I have a wonderfull career and a wonderfull job and the best guy as a boyfriend. My problem is that I have been in this country for one year, and I have found it very dificult to addapt to the culture here, and on top of that I suffer of anxiety. I a lot of troubles to sleep, I normally feel very tired, my job ocupy a lot of my energy, and by nature I am a very hyper person, the problem is that recently I haven't been able to control my anxiety, and my boyfriend ( which is the best ) always try to make me happy, but sometimes I start fightings with him because I sometimes take the things in the wrong way, or I make a big deal out of nothing, for example, he is a very shy guy and he gets embarazed of everything, so the other day he wanted to introduced me to his parents but don't say that I was his girlfriend, because he was unconfortable talking with his parents about his relationships. He want me to meet them and then they will figure out the things by themselves. So instead of me trying to understand him I started telling him that he doesn't care about me and all that. And he was telling me that why I don't try to understand him, he told me that it is dificult to negotiate with me, at the end I was agree to do what he wanted, we didn't end up the fight in a bad note, everything end up ok. But I feel guilty for being so rigid with him.We have been together for 10 months and he comes to see me 3 times a week and call me or text me everyday. He has make me his priority, but I can't avoid feel anxious because he may leave me, and if you saw us you may think is the contrary I am very atractive, ex-model, and he is the nerd type of guy, but I love him, I have a lot of abandoned issues due to my family turn their back to me when I need it more. I don't know what to do, due to my anxiety I found myself going out and working late ours in order to keep myself bussy, this is getting to a point where I think it is affecting my health because I can't sleep and I am always in tension. Please I need an advice
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (5 December 2008):
 You answered the major key to what you're seeking help with. Your abandonment issues. Consider what's been happening as being a trigger. Not your anxiety, but the "great job", "great boyfriend" etc. You fear loss. This fear kicks in the anxiety. You're working long hours, and acting aggressive toward your boyfriend to cope with this fear. Setting up a barrier between the two of you to protect yourself from the pain of his leaving, but your fear is causing tension which may end up creating what you fear.
Work on not being so judgmental. Your judging what you feel you deserve, and what may be taken away. Next, look at relationships as being a choice. In this choice you decide why you're with him, he knows why he's with you. Stop doing the opposite. It's not your place to decide why he's with you because when you have negative views of yourself for whatever reason, they begin playing into your thoughts as if the other person sees you the same way you do.
Treat what you receive in life as being a gift. Don't judge your relationships, build on and strengthen them.
Remember, you can never choose what someone else does and their behaviors, but you can choose your behaviors, and if you don't enjoy the anxiety, it's your choice to make changes which can lower the anxiety level.
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