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My annoying girlfriend makes me want to bang my head against the wall!

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Question - (7 July 2018) 12 Answers - (Newest, 8 July 2018)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

My girlfriend frustrates me, I have been working hard all week, I haven’t even bothered trying to be close to her as when she sees me she remembers to take me to get replacement fan, than it’s food shopping, than it’s some other chore.

This week I was told my job is being closed down, all 500 people losing jobs. I was very stressed. I spoke to my gf, she tried to help by asking if I have applied for any jobs and what my plan is, she tried her best. Few days have now passed and on Friday I decided to see a friend (who doesn’t know I lost it) and jus take my mind of it.

This morning my gf is going to work and she is like omg last night on love island all girls dressed up sexy, and you would of loved the show she told me. I kept all my thoughts to myself...

...I was thinking I was sooo stressed/annoyed/angry at my own problems, I wished she would take my mind of things yet she’s telling me how cosy and amazing time ppl are having on the show...yet when I mention it she fusses it’s effort to dress up and that she did do it about half a year ago.

Just to let you know I always initiate. And when I don’t. Surprise surprise. If I mention it, she tells me I’m amazing. I just don’t feel it. I get more compliments for colleagues when I get a hair cut, she never mentions it.

Or am I over thinking this? And don’t even bother saying talk through it, talking doesn’t help, jus sounds dumb. U didn’t ask me about my haircut. Lol but overall I’m jus so annoyed, seems like the whole world is having fun but I’m stuck here.

And what has she done wrong? Nothing. Have you ever experienced this?

My god I want to hang my head against the wall.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2018):

If you're so upset at her.. why not just leave her?

She's suuuuch a burden on you and all she cares about is vacationing and your financial support LOL!! Leave her!

I know these must be difficult and uncertain times for you - but dude, chill out. Go get drunk, have some good sex! De-Stress!!

You venting here, and I'm sure you vent in front of your girlfriend is not helping the situation.

Old fashioned advice - the sooner you get a new job, the sooner these issues will go away!

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (8 July 2018):

Tisha-1 agony auntDo you have a question or are you simply venting?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2018):

Bloody hell just finish with her, you clearly don't like or respect her let alone love.

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A female reader, jls022 United Kingdom +, writes (8 July 2018):

If your girlfriend (and indeed all women) are so bad OP, why not stay single?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2018):

So I should jus leave money on the table, avoid going home, make excuses that I’m busy. Working woman lol. I pay off her debts. Part of her frustration of me losing my job comes from the fact it will be hand to mouth. She sees other ppl enjoying summer and demands we do the same. Reality is different I’m afraid, I am aware I can’t go on holiday. Yet she will mention it to me every 2 days. It’s like suffering anyway than her making it worse.

She is only doing my head in so that I can solve it by throwing money at things. Yeh easy I leave her and she lives in her measly waitress pay, which doesn’t cover her rent or living costs. Who picks that up, me surprise surprise. If I’m so bad than I can jus cut back onthat. Oh but I’m a typical bloke, can’t compare to the high horse women sit on these days. Women are the main reason for mental and financial drain. I couldn’t give a hoot about the stuff she wastes money on whilst shopping which you females find so important.

Than there will be the odd feminist screaming for equality. Lol give me a break

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2018):

Your girlfriend is who she is. My boyfriend doesn't say anything when i get my hair done and i don't care so not all females go 'Ape' i dress nice and make an effort but half the time he doesn't say anything. Yes it is nice to be heard, to feel wanted and appreciated. Only YOU know if your girlfriend doesn't really show you that she loves you, do you feel she does?

It does sound like she grates on you though, do you honestly feel you are compatible? can you see yourself with her long term because those things that niggle you about her will only get worse. Because if you love someone you accept their quirks and know they are a part of why you love them.

Maybe she lets you make the first move because she thinks a man should, maybe she holds back on her feelings for a reason? I think you really do need to sit down and have an honest talk without any finger pointing and say how you feel. But honestly if she started making the first move, telling you how great you look etc etc do you not feel she feels she has to? If she shows in other ways that she loves you and you know she does is that not enough?

Talk to her and get it out there how you feel, there is nothing wrong if you feel how you do but be honest with her and see how it goes!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2018):

I agree with the other posters. You are taking things out on your girlfriend and you also sound extremely immature and sulky.

You say you take the initiative but in what sense? Maybe she takes you food shopping and doing every day chores because she is just a nice young woman who isn't expecting the kind of treatment that some women want - ie. to be taken luxury shopping every weekend, out for fancy dinners or weekends away every other weekend. I also agree she was probably trying to take your mind off things by mentioning light-hearted TV programmes.

She is a working woman, so she will be sometimes having to juggle work with trying to stay sane and organise herself by managing food shopping etc. You only sound like you want more attention and for someone to give you an easier ride, whilst she is actually getting on with things.

So what if she doesn't compliment your haircut? Sounds like there are tonnes of things she does that you are extremely willing to ignore or read in a deliberately negative way, just because you are a sulky, immature bloke - plenty of you around, I can tell you that.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2018):

Woman and double standards - honeypie. You get your hair done and not have your man notice it, you would go ape. I’m not asking for compliment, just some interest in ME would be appreciated. I can go a day without food just to have her. But no, she cares about eating, shopping and bills and other stuff, I bring home 80% if the income. I should be the one worrying. I have a reliable track record.

Working pshyically is one thing, working mentally at home by talking about issues is another shift in itself.

I can take care of myself that’s not a problem, whenever these things happen I turn up my gym a notch, eat clean, participate in more football games and socialising a bit more here and there. ...but it’s not with my gf. Last time I got compliment was from my manager. Things got this bad that’s it’s a manager saying it not friend or gf. Haha. Pathetic if you ask me.

I think another frustration is, when the shit hits the fan, it’s me picking it up again.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2018):

It really sounds like what's bothering and annoying you is the fact that you lost your job.. yet you're taking it out on your GF. Her position is difficult, because there really isn't anything she can say or do to make things better for you... because the only way to get things 'back to normal' is to get your job back. She can't give you your job back. All she can do is to keep things bright for you and to give her support while you search for a new job.

Life has its ups and downs... don't let the loss of a job get to you. There are other jobs out there and in no time you will be back to normal.

Best of luck!!

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (7 July 2018):

[EDIT]:

Meant to say:

" Now that you're unemployed, not only your girlfriend; but everyone you know will ask if you're looking for a job, or if you've found one yet?"

Post Script:

If you feel breaking-up with your girlfriend will make you feel any better; then I suggest you do that.

Keep your anger under control, regardless of what you decide to do. Displays of aggression and violence will land your ass in jail. That's where you belong, if you can't keep it together.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (7 July 2018):

You just lost your job and you're aiming all your frustrations at your girlfriend. She's still cheerful and bubbly. Just being herself and being a female; while you just want to mope-around all pissed-off, and feeling sorry for yourself.

It's not her fault that you lost your job. Now that you're unemployed, not only your girlfriend; but everyone you know will ask if you're looking for a job, or if you've found oe yet. It's to be expected, my friend. It's easy to get depressed, sulk, and just give-up. You have to be motivated and encouraged by the people who care about you. We men are like a wounded beast when tragedy strikes; and we just want to retreat into a cave and isolate ourselves to lick our wounds. So take time to go think and ease your thoughts in a quiet place with trees, water, and grass. Take a ride to the countryside. Alone! Just let her know you're going to clear your head, and you'll be back soon.

Don't bang your head or anything else against the wall. If you have a gym-membership; I suggest you go and punch it out on a punching-bag. Lift some weights and do a full workout; until you work all that anger and frustration out of your system.

Exercise, jogging, and physical-activity will keep your stress-levels down, your mind off your troubles, and your heightened testosterone-levels will make you sexier, and work less towards aggression. Otherwise, you'll bottle-up the tension; and you will explode. That would not be good!

Take a walk when you feel yourself getting irritated; but don't take your anger and frustrations out on your woman. You know that's wrong. Your moping about and dithering over your job-loss is just as irritating. Being a mean and touchy beast doesn't make you so lovable either.

It feels like the whole world is having fun; that's only because you're not. Be good to your girlfriend; she's being herself. If you feel you're done with your relationship and this has been on your mind all along. Then I suggest you DO talk it out before banging anybody's head or anything else against a wall. Everyone has experienced losing a job; but getting angry doesn't solve anything. You use that energy to find another job, you hold yourself together, and stay a civil human being. Man-up until that happens.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (7 July 2018):

Honeypie agony auntThe whole world isn't having fun - just look at the news.

I understand that losing your job is a BIG deal for you, it's SCARY! but that doesn't mean yon can take it out on your GF.

I think she WAS trying to cheer you up with random things like a TV show.

Her question if you have sent out applications is a fair one, if my husband lost his job I'd ask him the same. THAT question is asked because she CARES About you and WORRY about you. NOT to rub it in.

However, if you can't DEAL with having a GF while all this stuff at work is happening, break up with her. Don't take your anger and frustration out on her.

Maybe you are annoyed because HER world isn't falling apart like yours.

And yes, I have been in your position. I had only been in the job 10 months when it came out that the owner had misappropriated fund which left the rest of us without salaries, and because the "workers insurance" in Denmark doesn't kick in until you have been at a job for 12+ months, I had to apply for welfare to pay for my home and get food to eat. All the while scrambling to send out many many many applications. What I ended up doing was contacting a Temp agency and that got me a couple of short term jobs - however - 3 of the 4 places I went out on a short contact with wanted to hire me permanently afterwards... so maybe try that?

If you don't want to break up - give her some space and yourself some.

Not getting a compliment over a haircut means nothing in the bigger picture.

It's OK to be stressed but it's NOT OK to take it out on her.

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