A
female
age
26-29,
*uckyhelp
writes:Some of you may know some of my posts, i am a white girl, and my boyfriend is british-pakistani. and my mum hates it.I recently told her about the relationship and that was bad enough. She said how "disappointed" she was in me, and sad that i would "sink so low, to actually have to go out with a pakistani". These things make me feel awful. not with guilt of course, but with the fact she really views these things. She is constantly telling me that there are plenty of "nice white boys out there" and i cant take it. She has said i have lost all my friends (which i havent btw) because everyone is so shocked that i would go out with someone "like that" - which is completely untrue. her views are so outdated and old fashioned, and worried about what my family will see me as. She says its "not normal" and "wrong" for me to be with him. I know it may not be common to see, but its not completely rare. She has told me I'm a "stupid little girl" for being with him, and for that i am now grounded and not allowed out because I'm with my boyfriend.I really don't know what to do.I cant speak to my dad or get him to talk to my mum as he lives abroad and doesn't have a phone atm.I feel this is truely unfair.Help anyone? :/ Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (17 June 2010):
Duckyhelp is verified as being by the original poster of the question Its the shouting that i cant be bothered with Casey. I do care about him so much, thats why i am with him and told my mum that no matter what she says it will not change my view. its just my mum is stubborn i know she will never change her views so argueing about it with her will never make her see any different. and as for being rehoused and stuff, well i'd rather that didnt happen. i do love her afterall. and my dad lives abroad so id just be sent to a family member or some foster family i dont wana be with.
A
female
reader, kristianna  +, writes (15 June 2010):
Forget her you do what you feel Im guyanese and dated a black boy and although my family dislikes it they should deal with it because it is who i like and chose not them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): If you aren't going to stick up for him because you will get "shouted at" then you can't care that much!
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (13 June 2010):
 Ground you for what.. if it involves racism, then ignore what she says and continue with your plans... Do not do this until you are 16... after 16, if she keeps bullying you, the government can rehouse you and you can live somewhere else.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (13 June 2010):
When you are 16 years old you can date who you want.. she has the right to ban your boyfriend from the house, but she cannot stop you from seeing him.
When you are over 16, if she gives you any trouble, tell her you will report her to the school and to social services..
Racism is not illegal in Britian, she can feel how she likes. But she cannot force the disgusting views on you.. wait until your 16, then tell her, "mum, I'm sorry, I'm over 16, and I think racism stinks"... she has much to loose if people know her views. It's not legal, but it is not accepted now, even the BNP was forced to allow non-white people to join.
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A
female
reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (13 June 2010):
Duckyhelp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim afraid she will think im being cheeky or something :/ my mum usualy just shouts if its something she doesnt like then grounds me
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (13 June 2010):
At 16 you can make your own choices. You should tell her, she is suppose to be your mother not your boss. It sounds like she just wants to control you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): I'd call your mother out on being a racist bitch. Tell her its the 21st century and if she wants to have that attitude you'd be more than happy to build her a time machine and let go and live in the 1950's.
Tell her you are indeed required to follow her rules inside her house, but are quite as easily allowed to not follow them outside of it.
Tell her you are dating this boy whether she likes it or not and that with her racist views SHE is disappointing YOU. NOt the other way around.
Tell her to grow up.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (12 June 2010):
Duckyhelp is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am 16 at the start of july. and he is already 16, born in feb. so its not age.
and about being 16 and being able to do what i want... this point has been used often when my brother tries to stick up for me, or my dad a few weeks ago. She says under her roof she is my boss. which is valid. but it is unfair due to what she says. and with summer coming up, im worried :/
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (12 June 2010):
Obviously your mums being completely unfair and nasty about the whole situation but im sure you love her all the same. But you cannot give in to her because its your life. You are still under 16 so this relationship may not even last. But if it does you have to use your mothers hatred as fuel to drive you to stay with the guy you love no matter what colour he is. If you really love him you will find a way to be with him no matter what anyone says. Theres so many pakistani people living in england and lots of mixed race couples i see them around all the time. You havnt said how old he is, is he the same age as you or is he older ?. If he is older she may be partly worried about the age gap. Ride it out and hope it will work itself out. if you are not aloud out he will have to wait for you and see you are school. When you are 16 you will be able to see whoever you like and your mum cant really stop you. Good luck.
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