A
female
age
41-50,
*9agegap
writes:moving for love?i'm with my bf for almost a year now. He's been wonderful, caring and loving. I'm 26, he's 31.he's moving to another country and has 'invited' me to move with him. Actually he said it's up to me but when I said I am considering moving he seems happy and kept asking me when I'll move etcPrior to this he mentioned that he doesn't know if he'll ever get married, but recently I asked him again if we could plan to get married in 3-4 years and he didn't disagree (nor make any promise - which is hard anyway) but at least we have a common understanding that we will check again in 3 years.so yeah, should i give up what i'm familiar with (friends, family, work...) and move to another country with my great bf? (so far) To me, it's hard to know if someone is really serious about you but yet I hate long distance relationships and I do not want to be apart from my bfHoneslty, I think I dun trust myself more than him ...as I feel I have to protect myself. But the relationship's great so far and it seems like we are somehow working towards a future. Should I take a leap of faith?
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female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (22 April 2008):
 No, I wouldn't move with him at this point having only been together for a year and him telling you he doesn't intend to get married.
Is it you plan to marry one day?
Would you move to this country on your own if he wasn't in the picture?
Do you have a career and skills to find work in that country or even get the visa to live and work in that country?
I moved to another country for a man and after being here for 9 months with him I am breaking up with him as it turns out he never intends to commit to me in marriage or even living together.
Would he move to another country for you?
Just some things to think about.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (22 April 2008):
 Hi,
I moved to another country for love and my wife moved half way around the world for me.
It's a no brainer to me. If you love someone enough you will do it, but if you are thinking that it may not work out then don't do it as you are either not ready or you won't cope with the change.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 April 2008):
 It's a pretty big leap of faith, isn't it? Without a true commitment for the future on his part, if that is what you really want. Moving away from friends, family and work is always a huge stressor, and will put a strain on any relationship, even the most committed ones, so if you feel you two have what it takes to make it work, then move. But, and this is a big BUT, there's no guarantee that your relationship will survive; do you have a safety net? Would you be able to move back home and find work again if things fall apart?
Moving to a new country is an even bigger challenge. I remember standing in the new supermarket being completely stymied in even choosing the new laundry soap, and the labels were all written in English! I think it took me about half an hour to decide that simple little selection. Multiply that by the hundreds of little things you take for granted everyday and life can be difficult at first. There's a whole new culture to learn and explore and it can be quite alienating even if the native language is the same. If it is a country where you don't know the language, the hurdles are even greater.
My suggestion is to try a long distance relationship for a while; say 6 months or a year. If you two have a really strong relationship, you can make it work for a short length of time. Then with some distance and perspective on the whole thing, you can make a choice to move then, if that is what you still want. You can make some visits to the new country and see how things are progressing with him and if you would truly be comfortable being far from friends and family.
I can't tell you if you're ready for the move or not, but I would advise that you be very sure about how much of a commitment you're really comfortable with before you follow a guy who has told you that he's not sure he ever wants to get married. If you do want to get married someday, that would be a big issue, right?
All the best.
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