A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just moved from NYC to a new town and I am really scared of trying to fit in here. I would love to have friends and have a life the problem is that people here are SO different to what I am used to. Please don't think I am a snob, but the only way I know how to describe the people here is just philistines with a lot of money. I was brought up to value brains over beauty and to value culture and art and intellect. I was also taught that being flashy and dumb and showing off money is vulgar. The problem is this place is full of nouveau riche type of people who are just that. And have no other perspective on life. I never had a problem fitting in in NYC cause everybody is like me. And now all of a sudden I am the MINORITY! And what's worse is that I don't want to be like them. But I want friends. But I always find myself just kind of shocked when I hear comments people make which are so shallow and dumb. I thought people like this only existed in movies about dumb blondes. I didn't know there was a whole society of them in real life! Do you know what it's like to be surrounded by them?How do I go about making friends and immersing myself in this society for the year that I have to live here without letting their behavior and values and views on life rub off on me?
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female
reader, stina +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Hi Anonymous,
I know what you're talking about. I'm from Baltimore and was taught to value the same things/ideas. (I think it's an East Coast big-city mentality. At least, that's what I have exeperienced and have also been told.) When I visited a city on the west coast just recently, people were the total opposite of where I'm from - they were concerned with material posessions, flaunting money and were into all kinds of gossip. Before this, I realized just how shallow and narrow-minded some people can be - but this was a whole city full of people like this. So like I said, I can definitly see where you're coming from.
But the bottom line is that it's hard to find good friends regardless of where you are. It's not really a matter of "fitting in" (I would die if I fit into the group of people that were in the city I visited), so rather than doing that, how about keeping an eye out for people who have your mindset? That would probably be better than going against what you feel are important and defining characteristics in yourself.
Until you find someone that you can actually click with (which might lead the way to finding more friends who have the same way of living as you do), just go to places and take on hobbies that interest you. It would be a start to finding like-minded people. How about visiting a museum? If there isn't one, then maybe a town/city nearby has one. Or you could visit some stores that you like - at least you'll see some other people there who have the same interests. You could also swing by a library or bookstore and see who's looking at the kinds of books that interest you - maybe strike up a conversation with someone?
And if you don't find at least one person you can click with, at least you'll have some interesting stories for when you go back home. ^_^ But really, I do think that things will look up for you - you just have to try to be positive and make more of an effort than you'd have to in New York.
Take care.
A
male
reader, metalinvasion92 +, writes (27 August 2007):
 I kinda used 2 have the same problem......in my community there are the jocks,the rich kids, the smart kids,and the drugies.......unfortunately i am neitha.And most of the friends i used to have before high school got involved in these groups and now they run their lives......what i learned is trying to be one of them is just....dumb, and eventually i found friends that are just like me...a mix of all these groups except the drugie part.....so basically just be your self and eventually you will find friends, and if not who cares you dont want to be a rich snob who cares of money and only money believe me ive tried......so just be yourself and do not try changing yourself for anyone.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (27 August 2007):
 I'm with eddie; it's hard to know what advice to give you without knowing the specifics.
Just be polite and pleasant, regardless of what people say, and see if you can find the gem or two to hang with.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Hi
Its going to be very difficult to make friends with people you dont even like?
I would find that real hard.
You are going to have to sacrifice your own values and lower yourself. Are you happy doing that?
What a shame you have to live there.
C xxxx
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (27 August 2007):
 What type of minority are you?
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A
female
reader, ilikenight +, writes (27 August 2007):
 I live in Michigan... maybe you'd think I was a red neck?? Everyone is different, you see. You only have to be there a year. Don't worry about it. It isn't going to change who you are.
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