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anonymous
writes: Recently me and my boyfriend decided to have a month apart with no contacting. I was the one that actually suggested it because he needed to sort his life out because he was getting depressed and unhappy even when we spent time together because his life isn't going anywhere and all his friends and me are at university, and it started to get me down. I'm back at university now and he's at home, i'm missing him so much, i'm feeling so lonely and unhappy not talking to him so i had to ring him after a week of not talking, i tried to be strong but couldn't go on not talking to him, it's like losing my best friend as well as my boyfriend. When i spoke to him on the phone he said he's had so much on, sorting things out like job interviews and college courses that he hasn't had time to really miss me, he said he has missed me tho but not like i'm missing him. I feel that this time apart might push us apart rather than bring us closer together and he might want to finish our 7 month relationship. I've realised how much he means to me but it seems like he hasn't even had time to miss me. I asked him if he wanted to break the month apart and start seeing each other again maybe after 3 weeks, but he said he has a lot to sort out and we should stick to the month like we said. I'm finding it so differcult being apart and find it hard to concentrate on my uni work. In the weeekends i just feel really unhappy and have to go home. I want to be strong and give him the time and space to sort everything out, but at the same time i really want to see him, incase he decides he wants to split up with, i'm feeling really insecure and don't know what to think. Is this break a good idea? what should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Sandy, writes (15 February 2005): It's very hard to give them their space when you're missing them so much. And for them to acknowledge that they aren't missing you as much as you miss them, that definetly hurts. I know. I'm currently going through a similar situation myself. One thing that i've learned though is that as hard as it is at times to not think about it, or to stop crying, you'll reach a point where you will start realizing that maybe this is for the best. Maybe you need a break as well, to step back and take a look at where things are at. I know this isn't what you want to hear, i've been hearing it a lot. But i also know that you deserve someone who is going to miss you just as much when you're apart, despite how busy they are. As hard as it is though to not let it affect your schoolwork, one thing that has helped me is to think of how he'd feel if he knew my schoolwork wasn't going as well as it should be. In my relationship it was agreed upon that school was to come first, no matter what. I know it's hard but try and concentrate on doing well and finishing up. At the end of the day atleast you'll have a degree to help support your future and that degree will never do you wrong. Not much comfort, i know. But at least you'll be able to stand on your own two feet and support yourself. Just keep in mind everything happens for a reason, even if we don't always understand it at first. Sometimes it takes almost losing something in order to truly find out what it means. Try and stay strong, even though i know it's hard. Maybe you could try sitting down and writing him a letter. Whether you send it or not is another question entirely but atleast then you'll feel better because you have had a chance to express how you feel. I hope things for you and your boyfriend work out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2005): I think that the break was a very good idea! Im considering takin a break from my partener, just because i dont thin we appreciate eachother as much as we should. Try to be strong and take each day as it comes. Eventually your boyfriend will realise that he misses you and cant live without you in his life! Dont worry, it will all be sorted out soon.
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