A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex still talk. We still have feelings. She still has a reaction if she thinks I’m dating so I guess there’s a possibility we could get together. Only thing I found odd was, we were talking about babies and how she doesn’t want them yet and I made the comment that she does not have to worry as she told me before the guy she is seeing can’t have any anyway. She didn’t reply after that which left me wondering. I secretly was hoping she would say she’s not seeing him or say something disagreeing. Why leave it? Does it mean I’m wasting my time. I’m very much in love with her, and I’m sure she is too. But I never went for a rebound yet she did many months later. Our parents know we were planning to get married so I still have hope that life situation meant she confided in someone else for short amount of time. Rather than walk away and waste everything. Let’s hear opinions on this situation please. Thank you.
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2022): Only she and God knows what's in her heart, no-one here can tell you that. One thing I can tell you, is that jealousy is more likely the case. When you breakup with someone, it takes time for them to accept that you will find somebody else. Look at your own behavior; you're in denial that she could really love the man she's with, and he could also love her.
Her talking to you may only be psychological-manipulation, or nurse-maiding your feelings. Even worse, a narcissistic attempt to keep you confused; and hoping against hope, she will comeback to you. Enjoying the knowledge you still long for her, and haven't found anyone for yourself. Overjoyed nobody has filled the vacancy she left behind...and keeping it that way!
How could you feel secure or trust her if she did comeback to you?
She left you heartbroken for a man, not another woman; so the competition is different. Thus, more difficult and complicated to comprehend. She defected from your commitment for somebody else, and you wonder if she still loves you? If she did, she'd still be with you; and you wouldn't be here writing to Dear Cupid. We can reasonably conclude that she doesn't love you enough to not leave you for somebody else. Is that love enough??? Would you settle for less? She went where her heart took her, and left you behind.
She could have feelings for you; but I think love, faithfulness, and commitment is what you want and need. I think the fact she is with someone other than you pretty much tells you how committed her feelings are. Keeping you emotionally in limbo is self-serving, but not loving. It's a mind-game of manipulation and gaslighting. Keeping you confused, and unsure of yourself. Thus you can't move on, or move forward. She has somebody; while you're still pining for her.
Go no contact. Block her calls and messages. Block access to your social media accounts, and you stay out of hers!!!
That is very hard to do; but if you don't, you could be played along by your feelings. You might think you don't mind that; because you still hope you can talk her into coming back. I think your efforts will end in heartbreak, disappointment, and a lot of frustration. If you do manage to get her back, you won't trust her; and you will constantly worry when she'll abandon you, or breakup with you again! Not to forget that he won't give her up without a fight! He'll make the same effort to keep her, as you are to get her back. The insecurity of having been left for someone else will create a schism that will always haunt your reconciliation. The idea of a reconciliation may seem desirable; but the reality of it might not be anything like what you're hoping for. You have other emotions to contend with besides grief or loneliness; and there's more thing one reason a person leaves you.
You two broke-up. Why? Just for her to go to him? I think there's more to the story than what's been told!
Lets face the facts. If you were together when she met him, she had to cheat on you to initiate a romantic-connection with somebody else. That connection grew into a romance that became strong enough to pull her away from you. How could you ever trust somebody who can do that to you??? Do you want to pretend to be friends, while they fall deeper and deeper in-love? Your own jealousy won't stand for that, no matter how hard you pretend!
If they met after your breakup; she has moved on enough to start dating again. Not other women, but she found herself a man. Thus, she may have a need you cannot fulfill. Don't let denial tell you babies are the reason; because she told you she didn't want any, and now she tells you he can't make her pregnant anyway. She shared that with you to let you know, she has other reasons she wants to be with him. You want to trivialize what she has, maybe because she is playing with your mind? Maybe it's just your own selfishness, and inability to move on.
Stop and think about it. Right now, you're overwhelmed by your emotions, grief, and loneliness. It's time to use reason and logic; and to get your emotions sorted-out and under control.
I wrote this article before I became an uncle with DC:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/your-ex-is-sending-mixed-signals.html
Read it at your leisure.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (8 April 2022):
 NEVER confused jealousy/possessiveness with love/feelings. Her "reacting" to the idea of you dating someone else does NOT mean she wants you back, just that she doesn't want someone else to have you.
If she wanted to be with you, she would have tried to get back with you. There is nothing to stop her doing that, given that you are still in contact.
My advice would be to cut contact completely and move on. She is stopping you doing that while offering nothing in return. You deserve better.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (8 April 2022):
 Its impossible to say if she still has feelings for you or not.
I don't know the reasons why you broke up in the first place, but the long and short of it is you have broken up, and she is now in a relationship with someone else.
If i was you i would leave it, let her continue in this relationship,or until you find out for sure she is not with him anymore. Leave it a couple of months then persue things then, but until then i would not keep up communications with her.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2022): You are 100% wasting your time.
She is not in love with you, otherwise she would be with you! She keeps you interested, but is actually looking for a better partner. Hence the evasive answer. Reactions to your dating are not really jealousy, otherwise she would crawl back to you immediately. When women do this, they are not worth it.
My advice: start meeting women who appreciate you.
...............................
|
