A
female
age
26-29,
*aisylove
writes:hi i am a female and i am in a serious relationship with another female. We have been togeather for just over two years now and we have just been starting to think about the future. We plan to have children however we do not want to adopt but go through IVF. I have tried reasearching but have had no luck so i am just wondering for some information and knowledge. As in the price, if its free on the NHS. Also how it is done. I will be the one carrying the baby, however we want to know if my partners eggs could be transported in to me or if theres anyway her eggs can be used as well as mine so we dont know who the real biological mother is. I know i may sound extremely dumb but i do not have any knowledge on this so, some information will be much apreciated in the simplest form as science is not my strong point. We will also be wating a few years before we start IVF as we need to be a bit more financialy steady. thankyou so much for taking your time to read this, as much information or knowledge as you know or any personal experiance will be wonderful just anything at all.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Daisylove +, writes (5 July 2011):
Daisylove is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know and thats why i said for the future and for in a few years. We just want to know the circumstances so where fully prepared
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): You guys are still kids, to be thinking about having kids. Wait until you are older and matured.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): No, I'm not saying you don't deserve to be a biological mother, what I'm saying is after having one or two biological ones, consider adopting. You have every right to have children biologically, but I'm just saying adoption is a choice you have afterwards. Sorry if it came across the wrong way.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (28 June 2011):
 http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/article6719152.ece
That article might help you.
The typical way that a lesbian couple will have a baby is by finding a sperm donor (your doctor can advise on this) and then through artificial insemination. Try googling that phrase if you dont know what it means. http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Artificial-insemination/Pages/Introduction.aspx
IVF is only for people who are having fertility problems - i.e. you can get pregnant through any other means. Presumably you have not tried to get pregnant so you dont know if you are infertile, therefore it is far too early to say that you need IVF right now.
Generally you would try and number of times through the sperm donor and artificial insemination route, because often that does not work first time so you need a few goes at it.
I will still answer your questions on IVF even though I dont think it applies to you anyway:
1. Cost of IVF - depends where you live and often is not free for lesbian couples (see the article I linked to at the top). If you have heard the term 'postcode lottery' when applied to the NHS - that often applies to IVF, even for straight couples. Some NHS local trusts will do it for free, some NHS trusts will not and charge for it. It purely depends on where you live as to how much it will cost you. Each round of treatment can cost anywhere between £3000 and £4,500. Often you will need a few attempts as it does not work first time.
2. Your partner's eggs - if you went through IVF then yes, in theory you could use your partners eggs as well as your own, then whichever one turned into a embryo would be implanted into your womb. For IVF, eggs have to be extracted first - even your eggs would be removed from your body befor they can put back in the fertilsed embyro. So yes this is definitely an option - however as I have said before you dont need IVF yet so if you went through the artificial insemination + sperm donor route, it would be your eggs only.
3. How is it done? http://www.hfea.gov.uk/IVF.html
In short, they take some eggs from you (and your partner if you want), fertilise those eggs in a test tube/petri dish with sperm in the laboratory, and then once it has been successful and there is an embryo (the first cells of a fetus) then they will implant this into the mother's womb.
As that website above says - IVF is only recommended if you have had fertility problems - even if in your area IVF is free, if you are fully fertile they will not offer it to you as an option.
Just to quickly explain artificial insemination, which is the cheapest and easiest option for lesbian couples:
1. Find a sperm donor (this can be a friend if you are brave enough to go down this option, or can be from a sperm bank which is a better option as you wont know the father).
2. Once you have your sperm sample (basically a little pot of semen) you take this home, and using an insemination kit (can be bought online or can speak to your doctor who could point you in the right direction) you insert it into your vagina. Crude as it sounds, its like how they get cows pregnant - they insert the semen into the vagina of the bull using what looks like a big syringe/tube.
3. Once the semen is inside you, and providing you have done this around the time you are ovulating, there is a good chance you will get pregnant.
As I said before - for a healthy, fertile lesbian female this is by far the best option to get pregnant. IVF is costly, and requires lots of small operations and hormones - it is very unpleasant and should only be a last resort.
So there you go - hopefully that should give you all the info you need! Glad you are waiting a few more years, aged 16-17 you are far too young for a baby! Wait until you are in your 20's when you and your partner have been together a lot longer and have good, steady jobs and some savings. Bringing up kids is incredibly hard, and will be even harder for a gay couple so you need to be incredibly mature, in a very stable relationship and financially ready.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Daisylove +, writes (28 June 2011):
Daisylove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for the answers but yes i do feel sympathy towards children who need a home but just because i am in love with the same gender should i not get the gift of being a biological mum and becoming pregnant?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 June 2011):
I'd also say you'd need to see a doctor.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): IVF sounds great, and having a baby thats biologically yours is amazing, BUT there are so many children looking for a home. Please consider after having your biological baby the possibility of adopting. And you aren't older than 17, maybe you should concentrate on being a kid while you can.Sorry if it seems like I'm shoving my beliefs down your throat, but so many children are already out there, looking for someone to love them.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 I think the best idea would be to go see a doctor.
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