A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi to you all, I hope you can help!!I am having a lot of attention from a married guy and it has been going on for a long time. we get along so well that I have become very attracted to him , to the point where I think of him more than I should considering that he is spoken for.In fact I'm falling quite hard for him.He has led me on to believe that he has feelings for me with his actions,which are quite strong, persistent, and constant.That is bad enough on its own to cope with, but He is also exactly the same with an acquaintance of mine.I think he has also led her to believe the same thing, as it is very obvious that she is smitten with him as well.(blushes, coy smiles, etc) I feel unconfortable when in their company,as if I am in the way.He REALLY IS chasing me hard every minute he has, but then I feel that he must be doing the same with her when I'm not around,judging by the way she is around him in my comapny.I feel like he is playing mind games with me, but yet his actions have always felt right.I have spent a long time feeling that something may actually come of this as things have gotten quite close, but now know it won't where I am concerned.(It's bad enough with a wife in the picture) but how do you cope with watching him make eyes at someone else in your presence?I've tried to convince myself that it is just my imagination, but really I know I am just kidding myself.I would usually steer well clear of this situation right from the start as I feel that he is enjoying every minute of it all and playing us both or at least me, sometimes I feel that they both laughing at my expense, I'm so paranoid!My problem is this,I,ve never been in a situation where I felt) vulnerable or used before, nothing physical has happened in this instance but I still feel used and ashamed that I let myself feel this way at all.I don't usually allow myself to fall for this kind of thing, I am not a jealous person either, but I am really feeling like I want to exact some kind of REVENGE on this guy.Why did I allow myself to fall for it?What can I do to make myself feel better and let it go?I don't feel like I can yet and don't know where to start. but most importantly, What's the best way to act around him without causing an atmosphere and without me feeling so damn hurt every time I see him, or making a further fool of myself and showing how angry I am? I am finding it all very hard to deal with because I have allowed my feelings to go so deep, and any advicewould be welcomed. (this is all happening at work, every day so not very easy to deal with and I can't talk to anyone about it.)Thanks in advance for any advice.
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at work, jealous, my ex, revenge Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): You are partly to blame, because you know he is married and you are still playing the flirting game. He belongs to another woman and you are thinking about taking something that is hers. WRONG AND IMMORAL.
You want a quick stop to this? And I'm being serious. Next time he flirts, and you want to respond, look him straight in the eye and say, "Let's go together and tell your wife that we have this strong attraction and want to be together. Our feelings for each other are very strong and she needs to know."
I guarantee he will jump off a cliff first. There's your answer.
Now, PLEASE, go find a single man who can devote himself entirely to you and leave the married 'forsaking all others' one alone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): First of all, you should know that bad karma is the worst thing that could happen. What goes around, comes around. You already know that he is a married man yet you are still talking to him as if he's single, so the fault is actually yours. Try to be in his wife's shoes, you wouldn't want your husband to be cheating on you...you already know that when he talks to your friend you get hurt, so imagine if you were actually his wife or if you were his girlfriend. I would suggest you stop flirting with him because it only encourages him to be the way he is and hurting you. There are other guys out there, you don't need a man who is already married and is flirting with every girl. Have more respect for yourself. Once you stop talking to him as though you want to get with him, eventually he might leave you alone and it will probably be easier for you to let go of him, knowing he is not worth your time because if he is talking to other girls while married he will do the same to you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 July 2010):
 He really doesn't deserve your attention. I think you fell for it because there is competition and you hang in there because you don't want to lose. It's hard to accept that he's using both of you for an ego stroke, and he doesn't care for either of you. He is enjoying both women fighting for his attention. You let it go by saying to yourself I am not into this stupid game. The only person you have to conquer is really yourself. If you can control your mind to only think positive thoughts and not let anyone get in the way of your peace, then you win and that's the best revenge of all.
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A
male
reader, Mr. Smith +, writes (17 July 2010):
The answer is easy... HE IS MARRIED... getting into something with him will put your dignity on the ground.. and I believe that you wouldn't want to have a dirty conscience the rest of your life.. do you???
Just tell himto stop, and honey there are plenty of single men out there waiting to love, respect and treat you like a queen... tell him to go to hell.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (17 July 2010):
 Revenge is a tricky thing. It can end up ruining the life of the person exacting it. In my opinion the best revenge would be living the life you want and living it really well. E.g look amazing, be confident and score yourself a hot guy who dotes on you to rub in this guys face. In the meantime I would totally ignore this guy, don't even talk to him or look at him he will get bored pretty quickly by the sounds of him.
good luck.
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