A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid July 26/08I went out with a nice girl for 2 years and I intend to marry her. WE did not have any other partners. But I have mixed emotions regarding the virginity issue as I was a virgin and she was not before we met.We are both 22 years old 4 th yr university students. I cannot get over the idea that I am not the first guy in her life. She understand my concern but she still love me and I love her even a 6 months break in betweenour relationship.Please guide me with your wisdom as marriage is a big commitment.Thank you very much.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): I'm going to tell you the annoying little truth that everyone else is too "modern" to admit:
Men are programmed in our DNA to want virgin wives. And we are programmed to be hurt about our wife's past sex partners.
You're fighting your biology here. Your feelings were never your fault and they can't be rationalized away. Just like a lot of issues that women have about men that don't make any sense to us guys.
A
male
reader, Rhandy  +, writes (28 July 2008):
 will we have they same situation it which i came up his 2nd time having sex but its not affect my feeling for here, i really love here and eventhough she has experienced before and totally disgraced me but my love for here and here love for me is shows totally above.
its up to you how u deal it but if love here inspite of everything you must accept here of what she really is.
good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank your for your advices, with your permission, I would like to address your opinion individually.
Xeon, she had a boy friend before me and yes, we are in love
Baby duck, I treasured your critical analysis, I have to work on my inner peace, failure to do that, I don't deserve to be her husband as I let her hang, and it's selfish of my part.
Uncle Phil, options 1+2 is not practical and is not me.
I have to focus on 3 to get rid of my obsession of being the first is not necessary the best.
Lady anonymous, your comment is brutal but you spoke the truth, I only care for my own feelings but not hers.
I'm thinking what if the table turns around and how would I feel? I don't know and afraid to project the outcome,
and yes, it's ridiculous and scary.
I am going to work with her and aim for the best for both of us no matter what happens, we will choose the most
practical path and walk on it, hopefully we walk together.
Thanks again for all of you that care.
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A
male
reader, xoen  +, writes (26 July 2008):
 Dear Anonymous, You did not post how your girlfriend lost her virginity so it may imply that you do not know. This is not a bad thing, all it does is simply opens another possibility. She may have masturbated before and lost her "cherry" so to speak. I may be wrong, but I would like to see a follow-up to know whether she has spoken to you about how it was lost. Did she tell you it was lost to another person? If not and that is not the case then rejoice! Masturbation is a completely normal and healthy thing to do, so it is not like she has had intercourse with another person before. My theory may be wrong, but never-the-less it is always a possibility and you should ask her about it. Be happy, to me, at least, it seems like you are currently in a loving relationship with a lot of trust. Please post a follow-up!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): You've got three choices the way I see it:
1. You have sex with another woman so that you're 'even stevens' before you get married. I'd keep quiet about it if you do though.
2. You don't get married.
3. You get married as you are - but if you do this issue will keep raising its ugly head unless you can put it right out of your mind.
I know it's difficult to get your head around, but you're the one she's with and I presume intends to marry you too. You're the one that matters to her now, not some previous partner. If he was as important to her as you are, surely she would have married the other guy?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): I think you are not ready for a lifetime commitment with this girl because you still have serious issues with this virginity subject and evidently are not mature enough to handle it.
I think all this preoccupation of yours is vain and it's only your ego.
Leave this girl ASAP and find a virgin or another woman who have only had one sex partner prior to you so you can be really happy and satisfied with your ego.
See how ridiculous this sounds?
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