A
male
age
36-40,
*obe daka
writes:Ihave been married for 5 years.My wifehas a degree in bussines adminstrationand i have a diploma in social work.Thelast one year i have suffered insultsfrom her.I work on voluntary for a certain NGO in lusaka and they pay me2million as asllowance.My wife keepstelling me to be like other men whowork hard.Aunt yesterday sherepeatedly told me that ''kwati palinechupo''me i will leave you alone suffering and take my child.Thesewords hurt me so much and she is atype of woman who does not care howshe says it and how you feel.What cani do?she used to love me so much andaccepted me the way i am.she has really changed that i feel like am not aman before her.It is 6 months now wehave not had sex because we areeveryday quarreling.She has a jobwith zesco and getting well paid but iam lost with words.She wants to control me and belittle me.What can ido jobs are hard for me to find?I neverthough i would at one moment inmarriage be unhappy coz we used tobe love birds. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (13 October 2012):
 Somehow she has lost respect for you as a man and it is directly tied to how you earn your living. In her mind, perhaps in her upbringing men were high achievers. Since you chose a job that earns less money she sees that as a failure and apparently it has affected how she relates to you overall, including sexually. If people come into a marriage with the pre-conceived idea about how a husband should act, including what they feel is a successful profession, then the marriage can suffer a set back if he doesn't measure up to those ideals. I think this is what's happening. Your wife cannot see past her own programming to grasp at the idea that you are doing something you enjoy and as long as you both bring enough money to support the shared household then she should just accept it. Try to talk to her if you can. Would she go to counseling with you? It might be worth a try. Good luck.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 October 2012):
 I looked at your country's currency. It's really not much but you got to start somewhere. She wants a trophy husband and is concerned about what others think. She can't just take your child. She's verbally abusive. Even if you land a job in the future you can never forgive and forget the damage she's done to you. Detach yourself from her. When she becomes a person you don't care about you won't feel as hurt. She is very lucky she got on top of her career but for some people they have to wait for opportunities. It's not like you sit at home doing nothing. It's getting to the point that it's futile to express your feelings. You grew apart but that doesn't give her the right to belittle you. Talk to your lawyer to see what your options are.
...............................
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (13 October 2012):
 Sorry to read this.
Did you previously earn more than her? Has something changed in the dynamics since you met? If she's used to you earning more, and having a better income, she may be scared and feeling financially insecure. Maybe she's trying to give you a wake up call about finances.
But I agree, it is hard to find a well paid job at the moment. And it's not like you are not working - you are. Hopefully your work through the NGO will lead to something better and it's a useful stepping stone? Can you reassure her of this?
Don't feel belittled. You know that you are doing your best. Keep doing your best, remind her of this and that the difficult situation won't last forever.
Good luck.
...............................
|
