A
female
age
,
*atposey
writes:I've been dating this guy for 5 months now, he's been married 28 years but they decided over a year ago they were divorcing, they went to the mediator and settled it out of court. They have 4 kids together.. He has signed all assets over to her and he pays her half his paycheck in child support.. The wierd thing here is he lives in a small house (man cave) attached to the main house. They share washer n dryers, In the divorce she said he could still live in the man cave and pay $300... They both still have keys to eachothers place.. And he still feels responsible for the upkeep of the house and yard,, when I asked him why he isn't signing he avoids the question, and tells me he feels like he's divorcing his children also. He won't even tell his kids hes dating someone else. I'm just a lie to them.. He's afraid they won't like him as their dad if he dates someone else besides their mom.. He will also turn his phone off all weekend when he's with them cuz he's afraid of getting caught , lying to his kids is not the answer.. But I don't know if I should still give time or let go
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (29 April 2012):
 Sticky yucky mes...and, poor you are in the middle!!!
He isn't free, he isn't ready for a new relationship and keeoing you a secret is a shitty thing to do.
Tell him you are taking a big time out to date other people to see if you can find someone who has their shit together and treats you better. Tell him to get back to you when he is free (from his wife, not his children)and if you are still available, maybe you two can give things a go then.
Really, hanging around waiting for this guy to sort himself out is damaging your self esteem and making you unhappy...admit it isn't working, tell yourself there are plenty of available single men with less drainage and get yourself back on track to a happier future...
Life is too short!!!
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (29 April 2012):
Give up, this man is just not available, he is to all intents and purposes, still married and emotionally attached to his Ex. She alone has by far the best deal here.
For your own sake, find a man who is free to have a full supportive,emotional relationship.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 April 2012):
 You most certainly should move one. She calls all the shots. She is in control and he is emotionally attached to her and cannot let go emotionally.
She wants to keep him close - but at arms length.
So you are being treated as his "friend with some benefits"
This is a completely no win situation for you.
When is he planning to grow a backbone?
Move on and find a man who will stand beside you. Give you emotional support and proudly introduce you to all his frieends and family.
your current guy is never going to do those things. Please do not waste any more time on this guy. She will remain his wife, legally emotionally and psychologically, even if he does divorce her. It is not worth all the angst this relationship will bring to your life.
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