A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Who pays?A guy I knew in High School (about 15 years ago) is flying into town to visit me in a couple of months. We were never involved romantically, and I'd say we were only acquaintances back then.We've been flirting a little online, and there is the unspoken intention that his visit will end up more than platonic. While he is here, who should pay for things like metro fares, meals, admission into different events? I feel like it is going to be awkward the first time we are out together and then a bill comes.Since he is visiting me, shouldn't I at least offer to pay? He is a single Dad, I am a single mom. I have no clue what his financial situation is like, but I know I don't have a lot of money.Should I offer to pick up the tab since he's coming to see me? Assume we split it? Any tips on how to avoid this becoming awkward?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2013): Think of him just as a regular quest in your house. You guys live in US, Americans have no problems establishing grounds. A guest is paying for himself and more, he takes his hostess couple times out, as a gratitude of staying in her house. Even if you guys end up having sex, he at least should pay his share, and also contribute to gas and groceries. It's more traditional in other countries where guest is so much honored that he can't pay anything, his hostesses pay for everything. For example when I visit my girlfriend in Greece, I forbid her to pay for me, because she is not financially well of at all. There's a little war going on while I am there, where I have to pretend that I go the bathroom, and pay the bill at the restaurant. Where I sit in front of a taxi to pay first. But in US no one does it. When we have guests, I don't even bother with buying food they prefer. I show them where supermarket is. I have food in a house, if they want extra, it's up to them. Also when I visit my friends, I eat for breakfast for example something little, but then I take care of my own food, or take them out few times. Your situation is just a little different, but really there is noway he should expect from you any extra expenses on him. Being hospitable is one thing but being silly and go broke because of the house guest is ridiculous.
A
female
reader, :)31215  +, writes (14 September 2013):
 If he cant afford it he shouldn't be visiting! You pay for you, and he can pay for himself, as you've said it's only going to be platonic.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 September 2013):
 I'm with WiseOwlE 100%
He pays for himself, you pay for you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 September 2013):
 He lives at your place for free. And eats cheap at your home. Id say you treat him to food at your house. If he offers to pay for groceries, then accept the offer. Anything outside of the house though he buys for himself. When I have visited people in other coutries/cities I always paid for myself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2013): Oh that's really awkward.
I mean, how could he pay you a visit if he isn't prepared financially?
I think he is prepared for things that bothers you.
To me, sharing expenses is ok if you already have establish a real relationship with the other party.
But in the beginning of dating or courtship, Its a turn off if the man will expect me to pay or share for dates.Or whatever it might be, I will definitely declined any romantic thoughts of him.
Why because? its not just all about the money dear.
it tells so much about the character of a person. Especially with men. According to surveys, if a man does not pay for your dinner dates or even try to be a man and create a good impression during first few dates, it means his not into you. Why? because he will never do that with his dream girl. He would create the best impression in front of his dream girl. That means, paying for all dinner dates with her during get to know each other phase.
So if I were you don't think too much.
We cant really say what his really like until that day you experience to have a real date with him.
Maybe he will not disappoint you when it comes to this matter. Hopefully he would be a gentleman and this wont be an issue at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2013): You split things down the middle, and he pays for his own travel expenses.
He is a visitor, and you are not his girlfriend. You have no responsibility for the cost of his lodging or transport.
If he can't afford it, consider that a red-flag, and keep it all casual. I mean, real casual.
There is nothing more going on than mutual flirtation, and I think you're going to try and take too much upon yourself.
Don't set yourself up for a player. There is a gap of 15 years of unknown history. Don't be the desperate single mom.
They're easy targets.
Any man who would impose on a woman financially, is a loser.
He should offer to pay, accept your contributions graciously, and should never ask you to pay the bill.
He can accept your offer to pickup the tab now and then; with polite hesitation. He should insist on paying his own way regardless. That's a sign he has his finances under control; that he is a gentleman; and wants you to know that.
Not only is this a visit; it is a test of his character.
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