A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm sixteen years old and I am in love with my music teacher. I know many of you will think of me as an infatuated teenager but I'm seriously not. It's definately not a crush; I've had crushes before and they are nothing compared to the intense feeling that I feel now. It started two years ago when he started teaching me. I hadn't really noticed him until then to be honest but suddenly we just started connecting. He treats me differently to the other students in my class. When he passes me in the halls at school he always smiles at me and asks me how I am. Sometimes when he walks past me, he pokes me and gives me little shoves (in a friendly, joking way). He doesn't do that to anybody else. We often share jokes and tease each other in class and sometimes when I stare at him, he stares back at me. I think about him literally all of the time. Everywhere I go, my eyes constantly search for his face. It's gotten to a point where I would make up reasons to go places that he normally is just to see his smile and say hi. Just his presence brightens up my day and I look forward to our lessons so much. It hurts me so much when he's not there or when I have to miss a lesson. No matter how depressed I feel, he instantly makes me feel happy just by smiling at me. He's in almost every thought I have, I can't stop thinking about him. Every night as I drift off to sleep, I dream about him. I've written countless poems and diary entries expressing my feeling for him. I'm a saddo, I know.I know that nothing can happen between us. He's married and has children and there's no chance that he would leave them for me. To be perfectly honest; I wouldn't want him too. I am quite content just seeing him on a regular basis and just being in his presence. Now the real problem is that a permanent separation is coming in a matter of weeks. I am sixteen so I am nearing the end of my secondary school education. The school where I go to has a sixth form so I intended to stay there just so that I could see him for another few years. I am potentially hindering my future to stay with him - my school sixth form isn't all that brilliant. I know that in doing this, I would make the inevitable separation even harder. I would have to leave sometime but I didn't give a damn. I was even going to take music for my studies next year because I know he teaches that. However, I didn't factor in the possibility of him ever leaving. So that's what he's doing, he's leaving and moving to a different country with his family. And it hurts so much. It hurts because I would've done anything for more time with him and now he's just taken himself away. From the time I found out this news, I have sinked into depression. I find it intensely difficult to smile and laugh now. It just hurts so much. I would be grateful for any advice and thank you for reading if you got this far, I know it is quite long.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010): Everything you said is almost exactly what I am going through right now with my music teacher, who is also married, has a kid, and just had a baby a few days ago, and it hurts so much! I am leaving this summer to visit my father in another province for two months, and I have to decide whether or not to move there, and never see him again, or stay, and be able to see him only for half of the school year. I know it will hurt more if I stay, but it's just so hard leaving in 3 weeks knowing I'll never see him again. I started liking him about 2 years ago, but it's so much more than that now. I am also depressed now because of this, and have even lost friends because of it. This has pretty much ruined my time in highschool, sadly. I feel very bad about what you are going through, because I know how much it hurts, but I hope everything goes well for you!
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (6 May 2010):
 You just posted this question yesterday. How soon is this guy leaving?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 May 2010):
 This is a life experience, and not to be mean but I am happy you have learned it. I've met many people who didnt leanr this lesson, and made horrible decisions for themselves later on in life. What you have learned here is that you can only count on yourself. You should never disadvantage yourself for the sake of someone else, because in the end it can show that they never cared as much for you as you for them. You should not let yourself be held back by someone else, because they won't hold back because of you.
You learned this early, and Ive seen people make worse mistakes for this same reason later in life. To some degree we all do stupid things when we are in love, we all do things that aren't always the best for us. But some things are worse than others. The decision you made isnt the worst. Some spend all their life savings on a man they love that in the end cheats on them or leaves them to deal with the dept alone.
It hurts now, but at some pont in life we all go through similar situations, and we heal from them and learn from them. I don't think you should worry about why you stayed at the school. So it's not your ideal situation, but it is a decent situation none the less. You are still in school, still working on your education, and haven't closed too many doors. I am sure you will have a great year at your school even without him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): He will think your a nice kid, sorry he won't feel the same way - you are a kid, as am I. I have fancied plenty of teachers but I get that they want people with life experience, sexual experience and who are mentally stimulating. If you could read your question back from a neutral perspective you would get he is just being friendly
sorry but it's probz best if he moves away, don't do anything rash like tell him how you feel, it will be embarasing for him and you
Good luck x
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